Reasons For John's Sex Change

10. Lower auto insurance premiums.

9. Easier to get job because of hiring quotas
 
8. Cleaner restrooms.

7. Tired of boring men's fashions and wants something new and exciting.

6. Women live longer.

5. Can get easily picked up in bars.

4. Really likes the guy next door but knows that he is not gay.

3. Failed to make the MEN'S U.S. Olympic Ski Team.

2. Wants to be an assistant to Clarence Thomas to find out if "it's really true".

And the number 1 reason why John is officially becoming a woman:

1. PMS - An Incredible Sensory Experience!!!

How to Shower like a Man!

How To Shower Like A Man:

1 - Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2 - Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.

3 - Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4 - Get in the shower.

5 - Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6 - Wash your face.

7 - Wash your armpits.

8 - Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9 - Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10 - Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11 - Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

12 - Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13 - Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14 - Pee (in the shower).

15 - Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

16 - Partially dry off.

17 - Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

18 - Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19 - Leave bathroom fan and light on.

20 - Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

21 - Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Training Courses Now Available for Men

1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop

2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge

3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding

4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead

5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? : You CAN Tell the Difference! 

6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I

7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II

8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!

9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In

10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In

11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink

12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!

13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!

14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to Goodwill

15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts

16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the 4 Limitations of Your Kitchenware

17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!

18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means

19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut

20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category or Selecting movies that don't star John Wayne on television

21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote

22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh

23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet

24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed

25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!

26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty

27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them

28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime

29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It

He: Haven't we met before?...

He: Haven't we met before?
She: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Bad Breath Clinic.

He: Is this seat empty?
She: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

He: So, wanna go back to my place?
She: I don't know. Can two people fit under a rock?

He: Your place or mine?
She: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

He: So what do you do for a living?
She: I'm a female impersonator.

He: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
She: Do Not Enter

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.

He: Hey, we're both here for the same reason.
She: Right, let's pick up some chicks.

He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

He: I know how to please a woman.
She: Then please leave me alone.

He: I'd go to the end of the world for you.
She: Sure, but would you stay there?