BLONDE JOKES

Blonde and Pizza

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Blonde orders a drink.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender...Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic."Blonde: "I'll have a15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7"

Blonde crossing the road

Why did the blonde cross the road? I don't know. Neither did he.

Ice-fishing Blonde.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!"Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!"The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!"She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."

Blonde Joke Jackpot!

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes.Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children.Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

 

Dumb Blonde Crooks

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

The Y2K Blonde!

Blonde secretary's memo to her boss:TO: My BossFROM: BlondieSUBJECT: Changing Calendars For Y2KI hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for you. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:JanuarkFebruarkMakJulkI also changed all the days of each week to:SundakMondakTuesdakWednesdakThursdakFridakSaturdakWe are now Y to K compliant.Your loyal secretary!