Stoopit Pickup Lines

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1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here! 

2. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good. 

3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. 

4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 

5. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too. 

6. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. 

7. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. 

8. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. 

9. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

10. Baby, you must be tired cuz you have been running through my mind all night!

If Men got pregnant!

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.

2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.

9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.

14. Women would rule the world.

MEN: Please Read Rules Before Proceding

1. Please do not talk to my breast. You won't be meeting them.

2. If you want to control someone sleep with your remote.

3. I always choose chocolate over men-always.

4. 51% love goddess 49% bitch.

5. My sexual preference is NO.

6. MY body is a temple, now get on your knees and pray.

7. It's not the size that counts, it's... no, wait, size does count.

8. Rrmember you horny peice of dirt, girls are made of sugar,  spice, and everything nace.

9. Men are like hardware floors, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.

10. Save your breath for your inflatable date.

On Gender Differences

The following comments are those of Bill Hall who is a syndicated humor columnist for the Lewiston Morning Tribune in Lewiston, Idaho.

Consider bathing, for instance. As a general rule, middle-aged women take baths at night. The men shower each morning. The men like to go to bed dirty and go to work clean. Women prefer to go to bed clean and to work dirty. That's why men usually take their coffee breaks with other men.

Women read more boring magazines than men. They read silly, pedestrian magazines filled with articles on making quilts, turning bleach bottles into stunning centerpieces, the use of orange eyeshadow and how to get men to shower before going to bed instead of before going to work.

Men read sensible, intellectual journals on how to catch fish and kill little animals.

When a man cooks, he keeps his knives sharp. Most female cooks don't. Indeed, most female cooks don't even own a decent kitchen knife, let alone a sharp one.
Female cooks offer the excuse that they would cut themselves if they had a sharp knife. And anyone with knives that lousy probably would.

There is another difference between male and female cooks. Female cooks generally cook better with dull knives than male cooks do with sharp knives. That's how infuriating female cooks can be.

Most women in my age group wear dresses occasionally. Only a few of my male friends do and then only in the privacy of their own homes.

The women hobble around on high-heeled shoes. Most men would never do anything that silly. In fact, there is a name for the kind of men who wear high heels. They are called cowboys.

Women laugh at men for wearing neckties and coats on 100-degree summer days. They snicker at men for wearing more clothes than necessary in hot weather. However, the women who do that are sweating in their pantyhose.

Most women in my age group wear make-up. Very few of the men do. There is a name for men who wear make-up. They are called weird cowboys.

Women are far more likely to be lousy tippers in restaurants, and to complain thereafter that men always get better service than they do.

Women fold their underwear. Most men merely stuff their underwear into the drawer. Men use the time they save to catch fish and kill little animals.

Most women, when lost, will stop and ask directions. Most men in my age group believe admitting you're lost will cast doubt on your manhood. That's why so many macho men are lost. Smarter men prove their manhood by stopping and asking women for directions, even when they aren't lost.

There is another big difference between men and women in my age group. A competent man tends to rise through the ranks so easily that he eventually reaches a level where he is incompetent. Dr. Laurence J. Peter has dubbed this process the Peter Principle.

Women in my age group tend to be held below the level of their competence, making them embarrassing to work with because they tend to outshine male colleagues at the same level.

This is known as the Pain-in-the-Neck Principle. Incompetent men who have been subjected to that humiliation retaliate by refusing to promote women. And rightly so. You don't want people in the board room who don't shower each morning.