Language Differences

DICTIONARY
FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
 
40-ish
49
Adventurous
Slept with everyone
Athletic
No tits
Average  looking
Ugly
Beautiful
Pathological liar
Contagious
Smile
Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure
On medication
Feminist
Fat
Free  spirit

Friendship
first
Former slut
Fun
Annoying
New-Age
Body  hair in
the wrong places
Old-fashioned
No BJs
Open-minded
Desperate
Outgoing
Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate
Sloppy drunk
Professional
Bitch
Voluptuous
Very Fat
Large  frame

Wants Soul  mate
Stalker

WOMEN'S
ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe =  No
4. We  need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead =  You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset =  Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're  certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever
think about?

MEN'S
ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am  hungry
2. I  am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you =  Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with  you!
8. Can I  call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you!
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd  like to have sex with
you!
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you!
11. I don't think those shoes  go with that outfit = I'm gay! 

Why it's great to be a man!

Reasons why it's great to be a man:

Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a crap if no one notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work ... more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the damn time.

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat!

You know stuff about tanks.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

No maxi-pads.

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Benefits of Being a Woman

1. Women got off the Titanic first.

2. Women can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder
excuses.

3. Women get to flirt with systems support men who always return their
calls, and are nice to them when they blow up their computers.

4. A women's boy friend's clothes make them look elfin and gorgeous -
guys look like complete idiots in a women's cloths.

5. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

6. Women can cry and get off speeding fines.

7. Women have never lusted after a cartoon character or the central
figure in a computer game.

8. Taxis stop for women.

9. Men die earlier, so women get to cash in on the life insurance.

10. Women don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

11. Women get Free drinks.

12. Women get Free dinners.

13. Women get Free movies (you get the point).

14. Women can hug their friends without wondering if the friend thinks
there gay.

15. Women can hug their friends without wondering about their own
sexuality.

16. New lipstick gives women a whole new lease on life.

17. Condoms make no significant difference in women's enjoyment of sex.

18. If women aren't not making enough money they can blame the glass
ceiling.

19. It's possible for a woman to live their whole lives without ever
taking a group shower.

20. No fashion faus pas a women make could ever rival The Speedo.

21. Women don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

22. Women never have to wonder if their parteners orgasm was real.

23. If women forget to shave, no one has to know.

24. Women can congratulate a teammate without ever touching her ass.

25. If women have a zit, they know how to conceal it.

26. Women never have to reach down every so often to rearrange their
privates.

27. If women are dumb, some people will find it cute.

28. Women don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

29. Women have the ability to dress themselves.

30. Women have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

31. Women can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to
picture them naked.

32. If women marry someone 20 years younger, their aware that they look
like an idiot.

33. Women's friends won't think their weird if they ask whether there's
spinach in their teeth.

34. With women there are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.

35. Gay waiters don't make women uncomfortable.

36. Women will never regret piercing their ears.

37. Women can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

38. Women will never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.

39. Women know which drinking glass was ours by the lipstick mark.