How do you know when you're getting older

• "I just can't drink the way I used to", replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again".
• 06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

• 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
• A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
• A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
• About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief".
• All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
• All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.
• An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
• At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

 

• Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
• Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
• Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
• Getting a little action means you don't need to take a laxative.
• Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
• Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi and Ho-Ho's
• Happy hour is a nap.
• Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired
• It takes twice as long to look half as good.
• It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
• It's tougher to lose weight, because over time your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
• Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

• MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
• One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
• People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
• The candles cost more than the cake.
• The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
• The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... have come back in style.
• The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
• The girls at the office start confiding in you.
• The highway patrol sigh or shake their heads but don't give you a ticket.
• The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
• The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
• The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.