TIPS WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED (PART 1)

Wax the ceiling

-Rearrange political campaign signs-Change it back

-Learn Greek                                -Watch the sun...see if it moves

-Stand on your head                    -Stand on someone else's head

-Build a pyramid                          -See how long you can stay awake

-See how long you can sleep       -Spit shine your Nikes

-Paint your teeth                         -Wear a salad

-Speak with a forked tongue       -Get your dog braces

-Shave a shrub                            -Have a proton fight

-Watch a car rust                         -Quiver

-Rotate your carpet                                 -Learn to type...with your toes

-Set up your Christmas tree in April-Buy the Brooklyn Bridge

-Be someone special                   -Mail it to a friend

-Go back to square one               -Factor your social security number

-Take the fifth              -Memorize a series of random numbers

-Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages-Sharpen your teeth

-Play Houdini with one of your siblings-Braid your dog's hair

-Clean and polish your belly button-Water your dog...see if he grows

-Wash a tree                                -Knight yourself

-Name your child Edsel               -Scare Stephen King

-Give your cat a Mohawk             -Purr

-Mow your carpet                         -Play Pat Boone records backwards

-Vacuum your lawn                                  -Whine

-Rake your carpet                                   -Re-elect Richard Nixon

-Critique "Three's Company"      -Listen to a painting

-Play with matches                                  -Buff your cat

-Race ferrets                                -Paint your house...Day-Glo Orange

-Have a formal dinner at White Castle

-Read Homer in the original Greek

-Change your mind                    -Print counterfeit Confederate money

-Kick a cabbage                           -Take a picture

-Sandpaper a mushroom                         -Put it back

-Play solitaire...for cash              -Abuse your patio furniture

-Join the Foreign Legion              -Learn Sanskrit

-Exist...existentially, of course   -Run for Pope

-Count to a million...fast              -Make a schematic drawing...of a rock

-Commit seppuku...with a paper knife-Revert

-Think shallow thoughts              -Sleep on a bed of nails

-Boil ice cream                             -DON'T toss and turn

-Run around in squares               -Think of quadruple entendres

-Speak in acronyms                                -Have your pillow X-rayed

-Drink straight shots...of water   -Calmly have a nervous breakdown

-Give your goldfish a perm                     -Fly a brick

-Play tag...on 35W                                   -Exorcise a ghost

-Be blue                                        -Exercise a ghost

-Be red                                         -But don't be orange

-Paint stripes on a lake               -Ski Kansas

-Sleep in freefall                          -Test thin ice...with a pogo stick

-Apply for a unicorn hunting license -Do a good job

-Crawl                                           -Invite the Mansons over for dinner

-Paint your windows                    -Watch a watch until it stops

-Flash your goldfish                    -Paint

-Smile                                           -Paint a smile

-Flirt with an evergreen              -Rotate your garden...daily

-Shoot a fire hydrant                   -Pretend you're blind

-Apologize to it                            -Plant a shoe

-Sweat                                          -Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil

-Turn                                            -Take your sofa for a walk

-Write a letter to Plato                -Mail it

-Start                                            -Stop

-Dial 911 and breathe heavily     -Go to a funeral...tell jokes

-Play the piano...with mittens on            -Starch your shoes

-Polish your Calvin's                    -Contemplate a cockroach

-Get a dog to chase your car       -Investigate the Czar

-Let him catch it                           -Form a political party

-Climb a sidewalk                                    -Have a political party

-Get diagonal...with a good friend          -Ride a loaf of bread

-Sharpen a carrot                                    -Interrogate a gerbil

-Annoy yourself                           -Get mad at yourself

-Stop speaking to yourself                      -Be a side effect

-Duck                                            -Redecorate...your garage

-Develop a complex             -Join the Army...be someone simple

-Try harder                                              -Hit the deck

-Put leg warmers on your furniture        -Cut the deck

-Scheme                                       -Water your family room

 -Cause a power failure               -Roll over

-Wriggle                                             -Play dead

-Donate your brother's body to science-Find a witch

-Ask why                                            -Regress

-Sleepwalk without sleeping             -Go bow hunting for Toyotas

-Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids -Jump back

-Play to lose                           -Scalp a street light

-Have your car painted...plaid          -Read a tomato

-Sharpen your sleeping skills -Watch a game show...take notes