RULES
OF THE ROAD
If, at any time,
you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the
intersection, regardless of the current state of the light.
* The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
* If you paid more than $60,000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
* Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
* While driving on the freeway and talking on your cell phone, alternate between 45 and 100 MPH. This is especially effective if driving in the fast lane.
* Every lane is the suicide lane.
* Always set the alarm to its most sensitive setting before leaving your parked car.
* If you miss your exit, no worries. Just cut across six lanes of traffic and drive over the divider. If you really weren't supposed to cross it, they would make it out of concrete instead of painted lines.
* For parking purposes, all SUV's are compact cars. Honest!
* To calculate the proper speed limit on the freeway, subtract your age from 100. Double this number if your car has dual exhaust. Conversely, add your age to 100 if you are suffering from (or past) your midlife crisis.
* If you hear sirens, DO NOT pull over. Slow down exactly where you are and start looking for carnage.
* If a cop attempts to pull you over, give chase. You won't get away, but it's guaranteed you'll make live TV. Toward the end of the chase, be sure to throw random items out of your window. It will give the reporters something to talk about on the late news.
* Never use your turn signal, unless of course you are on the freeway with no intention of merging.
* If there are already three cars stopped at a four way stop, accelerate immediately. Otherwise, one of those cars might go ahead of you!
* Take full advantage of your right to U-turn. Laugh aloud at people from other states who turn around in driveways.
* In case of rain, pull over immediately! You cannot drive in any sort of precipitation.
* While driving uphill, do not downshift. While driving downhill, ride your brakes.
* On narrow canyon roads, feel free to use the center divider as a passing lane.
* The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
* If you paid more than $60,000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
* Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
* While driving on the freeway and talking on your cell phone, alternate between 45 and 100 MPH. This is especially effective if driving in the fast lane.
* Every lane is the suicide lane.
* Always set the alarm to its most sensitive setting before leaving your parked car.
* If you miss your exit, no worries. Just cut across six lanes of traffic and drive over the divider. If you really weren't supposed to cross it, they would make it out of concrete instead of painted lines.
* For parking purposes, all SUV's are compact cars. Honest!
* To calculate the proper speed limit on the freeway, subtract your age from 100. Double this number if your car has dual exhaust. Conversely, add your age to 100 if you are suffering from (or past) your midlife crisis.
* If you hear sirens, DO NOT pull over. Slow down exactly where you are and start looking for carnage.
* If a cop attempts to pull you over, give chase. You won't get away, but it's guaranteed you'll make live TV. Toward the end of the chase, be sure to throw random items out of your window. It will give the reporters something to talk about on the late news.
* Never use your turn signal, unless of course you are on the freeway with no intention of merging.
* If there are already three cars stopped at a four way stop, accelerate immediately. Otherwise, one of those cars might go ahead of you!
* Take full advantage of your right to U-turn. Laugh aloud at people from other states who turn around in driveways.
* In case of rain, pull over immediately! You cannot drive in any sort of precipitation.
* While driving uphill, do not downshift. While driving downhill, ride your brakes.
* On narrow canyon roads, feel free to use the center divider as a passing lane.
5 Things to Give Up to Be Happy
When we think about how to create more happiness, we typically look for
things to achieve and add to our lives. However, sometimes the key to happiness
is actually giving up certain perspectives and behaviors. Here are a few things
to give up in order to become happier individuals.
1.
Give up the habit of blaming. Blame is a scapegoat
for taking responsibility of your own outcome. It is a lot easier to point the
finger at someone or something else instead of looking within. Blame is not
constructive. It does not help you or the other person -- nobody wins in the
blame game. The amount of energy and stress it takes to blame just takes away
from you moving forward and finding a solution.
2.
Give up your need to impress. When you accept who
you are, and you embrace your quirks, flaws, strengths and vulnerability, you
get a lot more comfortable in your own skin. And when you're confident, you
stop caring so much about what everyone thinks of you. You stop worrying if
someone will like you or not, because deep down you know that the people who
falsely judge you don't matter in your life.
3.
Give up being a victim. The perspective that
you are just the result of all external variables deflects responsibility for
taking control over your own life. It is unfortunate that sometimes bad things
happen to the best of people. Life can be unfair, unkind and unjust. However,
being stuck in a victim mentality does not nurture your ability to move forward
and onward.
4.
Give up feeling entitled. Nobody owes you
anything. Nobody. When you approach life with the perspective that you are owed
things, it's likely that you will find yourself disappointed time and time
again. When you are grateful for what you have, and see positive things as
bonuses versus owed expectations, you will be surprisingly pleased.
5.
Give up pretending. In a society where we are rewarded
for perfection, we are constantly role playing. We try to show the world that
we are flawless human beings in hopes that we will be liked and accepted. But the beauty of us
lies in our vulnerability, our love, our deep, complex emotions... our
humanness. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic instead of
perfect, we open ourselves up to have true connection with others. There is no
need to put on a show. There is no need to pretend to be something or someone
that you are not. You are perfect the way you are.
