Living In An Upside Down Land

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...

* A Muslim officer crying "Allah Akbar" while shooting up an army base is considered to have committed"Workplace Violence" while an American citizen boasting a Ron Paul bumper sticker is classified as a"Domestic Terrorist".

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...

* Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more of our money.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* A seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for calling his teacher "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if.....

* The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately discipline them while children of "underprivileged" drug addicts are left to rot in filth infested cesspools.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Working class Americans pay for their own health care (and the health care of everyone else) while unmarried women are free to have child after child on the "State's" dime while never being held responsible for their own choices.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes and government intrusion, while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid and subsidized housing.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* The government's plan for getting people back to work is to provide 99 weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Being self-sufficient is considered a threat to the government.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* The rights of the Government come before the rights of the individual.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Parents believe the State is responsible for providing for their children.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* You can write a post like this just by reading the news headlines.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying iphones, TV's and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Your government can add anything they want to your kid's water (fluoride, chlorine, etc.) but you are not allowed to give them raw milk.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you "safe".

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* You have to have your parents signature to go on a school field trip but not to get an abortion.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a Muslim woman in a burqa is only subject to having her neck and head searched.

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You know you live in an Upside-down Land if....

* Using the "N" word is considered "hate speech" but writing and signing songs about raping women and killing cops is considered "art".

A FEW NICE JOKES FOR TODAY

As US tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," Morris replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he said.... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

Morris looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked "Morris what took you so long to answer?

Morris replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

"Hi, is Hank home?" he asks.

"No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies.

"Would you mind if I wait?" he asks.

"No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says.

They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and lets him see one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit a while longer and Ben says, "They really are so beautiful. I just have to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see both of them together."

Laura thinks about it and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and gives Ben a nice long look. He thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table and says, "I really can't wait any longer. Please tell Hank I stopped by," and leaves.

A short while later, Hank arrives home and Laura greets him at the door. "Your friend Ben stopped by to see you," she says.

Hanks thinks for a moment and asks, "Did he happen to drop off the two hundred bucks he owes me?"

A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice.

Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw.

Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?"

Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do!"

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Words WITH Funny Meaning

·        Harley-Vous Francais? - Can you drive a French motorcycle? 

·        Haste Cuisine - French fast food.

·        Posh Mortem - Aristocratic deaths .

·        Felix Navidad - My cat has a boat.

·        Merci rien- Thanks for nothing.

·        Quip pro quo - A very fast reply.

·        Veni, Vidi, Vice - I came, I saw, I was naughty.

·        Ich liebe rich - I'd love to have lots of money.

·        Amicus Puriae - A platonic friend.

·        Respondez s'il vous plaid - Only come to the party in a kilt.

·        Parlez-vous Francais - Do you speak French?  (Harley as in Harley-Davidson motorbike.)

·        Haute Cuisine - Translates from the French literally as "high cooking" it refers to quality cooking in good restaurants

·        Post Mortem - Latin for autopsy - to examine a body after death

·        Feliz Navidad - Happy Christmas to Spanish speakers worldwide

·        Merci bien - Thank you in French - "rien" the French for nothing

·        Quid pro quo - From the Latin "something for something" - an equal exchange of goods or services

·        Vene, Vedi, Vici - I came, I saw, I conquered - words attributed to Julius Caesar.

·        Ich liebe dich - I love you in German

·        Amicus curiae is a legal Latin phrase, literally translated as "friend of the court".

·        RSVP - Please reply  (Answer in French!)

·        Every year the Washington Post asks its readers to dream up alternative, yet cool meanings for ordinary words.  Here are examples:

·        Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk

·        Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

·        Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

·        Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

·        Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

·        Poultry in motion: A chicken crossing the road

·        Acupuncture: A jab well done.

·        If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

·        When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

·        Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead the dough basis.