Signs from Kitchens

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!

Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.

If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!

My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your
standards.

Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down,
converse.

It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even
worse.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is
delirious.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and
gone on to lead normal lives.

My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending
machines.

I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a
speed bump.

Tee Shirt Lines

"Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead"

"Husband and Cat Lost... Reward for Cat"

"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton"

"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"

"Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes... Use Birth Control"

"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees"

"If You Can Read This...Kiss A Teacher"

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

(Across a drawing of a skeleton) "Waiting for the Perfect Man"

"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse...
.... He Couldn't do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"

"The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Harley"

Sayings Found On Buttons

RELATIONSHIP BUTTONS 

=====================
1. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. 

2. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. 

3. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 

4. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! 

GENERAL LIFE
======================
5. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 

6. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 

7. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. 

8. Do I look like a freakin' people person? 

9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 

OFFICE BUTTONS
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10. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 

11. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 

12. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. 

13. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 

GREAT INSULT BUTTONS
=====================
14. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 

15. You! Off my planet!