20 Ways to Tick Off Teachers

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1. (If it's a male teacher) Call him Mr. Dude with a sarcastic
tone in your voice loud enough for the whole class to hear.
2. Ignore the teacher when they call on you.
3. If your text book is talking about a movie familiar to you,
hum the theme song.
4. Fold paper air planes, and when the teacher bends over...(you
know how the rest goes...)
5. Say the dumbest, most idiotic, answer you can think of.
6. If your teacher will not let you go to the bathroom, let
yourself out.
7. Forge your parents signature on something, and when the
teacher comes to you, say, "I got my sloppy hand writing from my
dad, see?"
8. Continuously drop something on the floor.
9. Find a way to get sat out in the hall, and continuously walk
in and say, "I forgot my pencil!" and use a different excuse
every time.
10. Fall out of your chair five or six times.
11. Bang your head on your desk.
12. Smash your face inside your book and when your teacher says
something, go, "Huh?"
13. Staple tissues together and put them back in the box.
14. Run into walls and act retarded.
15. Yell out your classroom window, "She's poisoning us, help!"
16. Make fun of your teacher's age.
17. Do the opposite of what she says.
18. Roll your pencil around on your desk.
19. Write on your desk.
20. Call your teacher a white haired witch.

 

Little Johnny List

Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!
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Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Little Johnny: No, I'm Little Johnny.
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Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one
day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.
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Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you
didn't have to keep yours.
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Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I
didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Little Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Little Johnny: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Little Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
That's what I did.
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Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Little Johnny: I hope you didn't either.
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Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your
son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
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Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Little Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."
Little Johnny: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

Corporate Lessons

Lesson Number One:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the Rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up. 

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Lesson Number Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't
got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there. 

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Lesson Number Three:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold,
the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it
was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As
the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut