Difference Between Men and Women

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her tall.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. 
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

Things men wish women knew

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship”.

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different; it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

FDA

The fad is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

13. Warning: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

12. Warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a******.

11. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

10. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to they sings like thish.

9. Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. Warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). 

6. Warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. Warning: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named chuck.

4. Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

2. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

1. Warning: consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.