THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.

If shops are lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the

world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..

VERY INTERESTING QUOTES

·        Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper.
-- Source Unknown

·        What if "the hokey pokey" is REALLY what it's all about?
-- Curtis Spencer

·        We are the people our parents warned us about.
-- Jimmy Buffett

·        Those are my principles, and if you don't 
like them...well, I have others.
-- Groucho Marx

·        The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
-- Source Unknown

·        USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-- Dave Letterman

·        You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
-- Dennis Miller

·        Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein

·        Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain

·        A good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on.
-- G. C. Lichtenberg

·        I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
-- Mark Twain

·        Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
-- Groucho Marx

·        I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
-- Charles Shulz

·        Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
-- Ambrose Bierce

·        I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.
-- Oscar Wilde

·        Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

·        I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

·        Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
-- Claudette Colbert

·        If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-- Flip Wilson

·        I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
-- Mark Twain

·        A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
-- Source Unknown

·        If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
-- Groucho Marx

·        The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.
-- Mark Twain

·        He has not a single redeeming defect.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

·        When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.
-- John Mortimer

·        Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts.
-- Peckeroy

·        From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx

·        In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.
-- Len Deighton

·        My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a director.
-- Cole Porter

·        He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
-- Source Unknown

A FEW NICE JOKES FOR TODAY

As US tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," Morris replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he said.... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

Morris looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked "Morris what took you so long to answer?

Morris replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

"Hi, is Hank home?" he asks.

"No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies.

"Would you mind if I wait?" he asks.

"No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says.

They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and lets him see one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit a while longer and Ben says, "They really are so beautiful. I just have to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see both of them together."

Laura thinks about it and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and gives Ben a nice long look. He thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table and says, "I really can't wait any longer. Please tell Hank I stopped by," and leaves.

A short while later, Hank arrives home and Laura greets him at the door. "Your friend Ben stopped by to see you," she says.

Hanks thinks for a moment and asks, "Did he happen to drop off the two hundred bucks he owes me?"

A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice.

Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw.

Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?"

Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do!"

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Spread the stupidity today

Why do supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.

 EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women  put on mascara with their mouth closed? I canJ

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that  stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while