SOME DEFINITIONS WHAT IS THE FUTURE

LIFE LESSONS

We are the people our parents warned us about.
-- Jimmy Buffett

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others.
-- Groucho Marx

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
-- Source Unknown

USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-- Dave Letterman

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
-- Dennis Miller

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain

A good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on.
-- G. C. Lichtenberg

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
-- Mark Twain

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
-- Groucho Marx

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
-- Charles Shulz

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
-- Ambrose Bierce

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.
-- Oscar Wilde

Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
-- Claudette Colbert

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-- Flip Wilson

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
-- Mark Twain

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
-- Source Unknown

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
-- Groucho Marx

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.
-- Mark Twain

He has not a single redeeming defect.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

strange but it’s true

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.*Politics is a murky business, even in Finland.  The truth was that back in the late 1970s Markku Hopopainen introduced an economy measure to reduce the spending on comics in Helsinki libraries.  It was mischief-makers who distorted the facts and claimed the action was because of Donald's lack of pants in the comic strip.

• In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
• Every person has a unique tongue print.
• Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
• 'Kemo Sabe' means 'soggy shrub' in Navajo.
• In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
• Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
• Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
• In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
• About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
• You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
• An average person laughs about 5 times a day.
• Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.

• Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.

• The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
• A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 mph.
• The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
• The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
• A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
• The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
• In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
• Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
• Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
• Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
• Bubble gum contains rubber.

• You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.

holy matrimony

 

wisdom, knowledge and experience Can Be Sometimes Funny

• James, a young boy of 6, turned to his Grandfather and says, 'When you die, Grampy, I don't want your money. Please will you leave me your memory'
• Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you
• Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so: Douglas Adams
• We can only learn to love by loving: Iris Murdock
• Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes: Oscar Wilde
• These days people seek knowledge, not wisdom. Knowledge is of the past, wisdom is of the future: Vernon Cooper
• Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't: Pete Seeger
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
• Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards: Vernon Sanders Law
• There is a fine line between genius and insanity
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good
• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
• Experience is not what happens to a man, it's what a man does with what happens to him: Aldous Huxley
• A light heart lives long: William Shakespeare
• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?: Jay Leno
• Imagination is more important than knowledge: Albert Einstein
• Change is inevitable; except from vending machines
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing

Funny Quotes and Sayings ( 1st part )

A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
 

 

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
 

 A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.- Samuel Butler
A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- Annie Hall (1977)
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.- Doug Larson
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good eg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.- Bernard Meltzer
 

A true friend stabs you in the front.- Oscar Wilde
 

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.- Henri B. Stendhal
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.- Grace Hansen
A witty saying proves nothing.- Voltaire
A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.- Mae West
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.- Will Rogers
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't -Erica Jong
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.- Take the Money and Run (1969)  

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.- Mae West
 

All people know the same truth.Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.- Woody Allen (Harry Block - Deconstructing Harry - 1997)
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.- Oscar Wilde
Always listen to the experts.They'll tell you what can't be done and why.Then do it.- Robert Heinlein
An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.- Oscar Wilde
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.- Jim Hayes
And you just gotta remember, Sparky - no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.- Michael (1996)
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful standing here than you do in person. - Love and Death (1975)
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.- Benjamin Franklin
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.- Albert Einstein
 

Apology is only egotism wrong side out. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

MY FAVOURITE QUOTES

•    I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace. - Helen Keller
 
 


 •    People seldom do what they believe in, they do what is convenient, and then repent. - Bob Dylan

 




•    Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver. - William James
•    The wise man has long ears and a short tongue. - Anonymous.
 

•    Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. - Jimi Hendrix
 



 •    Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Unknown, but often attributed to Albert Camus
•    The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values. - Norman Thomas
•    Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame. - Bertrand Russell




  •    Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein 



•    I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
•    Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
•    Coffee isn't my cup of tea. - Samuel Goldwyn
•    I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
•    I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is? - Paul Merton
•    At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual. - Patrick Moore
 
 



•    Operator! Give me the number for 911. - Homer Simpson
 




 •    I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde
•    Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning? - George W Bush
•    I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said, 'No, Six should be enough.' - Les Dawson
•    My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil. - Paul Getty

Wise Quotes

Here is our collection of wise quotes from the famous.  Every occasion will benefit from at least one of these pearls of wisdom.

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. 
Bruce Grocott 
 
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
Lee Iacocca

An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
Henry Ford

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Will Rogers

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
John D. Rockefeller

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. -
Albert Einstein 

 
There are no wise few.  Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.
GK Chesterton

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
Bernard Bailey

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
Mary Wilson Little

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
Malcolm Forbes

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
Baltasar Gracian

 



Friends are far more dangerous than enemies, they know everything about you and will not pause to use it against you.
Terra Castle

Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
Sir William Osler

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
Sir Francis Bacon

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric offer

 

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
Abraham Lincoln