INTERESTING ONLY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE

·        "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."-Woody Allen.

· "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."-Rodney Dangerfield.

·   

   "Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet."-Robin Williams.

·        "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing."-Duane Dewel.

·        "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."-Helen Rowland

·  "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America...The rest cheat in Europe."-Jackie Mason

·      "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."-Leonardo Di Vinci.

·        "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."-Lewis Grizzard.

·        "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern."-Mickey Rooney.

·        "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."-Rodney Dangerfield.

·        "The difference between divorce and legal separationis that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."-Johnny Carson

Funny Quotes and Sayings ( 1st part )

A lifelong friend is someone you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
 

 

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
 

 A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.- Samuel Butler
A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- Annie Hall (1977)
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.- Doug Larson
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good eg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.- Bernard Meltzer
 

A true friend stabs you in the front.- Oscar Wilde
 

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.- Henri B. Stendhal
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.- Grace Hansen
A witty saying proves nothing.- Voltaire
A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.- Mae West
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.- Will Rogers
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't -Erica Jong
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.- Take the Money and Run (1969)  

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.- Mae West
 

All people know the same truth.Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.- Woody Allen (Harry Block - Deconstructing Harry - 1997)
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.- Oscar Wilde
Always listen to the experts.They'll tell you what can't be done and why.Then do it.- Robert Heinlein
An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.- Oscar Wilde
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.- Jim Hayes
And you just gotta remember, Sparky - no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.- Michael (1996)
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful standing here than you do in person. - Love and Death (1975)
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.- Benjamin Franklin
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.- Albert Einstein
 

Apology is only egotism wrong side out. - Oliver Wendell Holmes