FUNNY FOOD

• Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible
• To make one kilo of honey bees have to visit 4 million flowers, travelling a distance equal to 4 times around the earth
• An ounce of chocolate contains about 20 mg of caffeine
  There are more than 10,000 varieties of tomatoes

• Each American eats approximately 22 pounds of tomatoes yearly. Over ½ of the tomato consumption is in the form of catsup and sauce
• Peanuts are used in the manufacture of dynamite
• A family of four could live for 10 years from the bread produced by one acre of wheat
• The world's oldest piece of chewing gum is approximately 9000 years old
• Half of the world's population live on a staple diet of rice
• Tea is said to have been discovered in 2737 BC by a Chinese emperor when some tea leaves accidentally blew into a pot of boiling water
• 1.5 billion cups of tea are enjoyed throughout the world every day
• In France, people eat approximately 500,000,000 snails per year
• Approximately one billion snails are served in restaurants annually
• Over 90% of all fish caught are caught in the northern hemisphere
• 75% of fish caught are eaten - the rest is used to make things such as glue, soap, margarine and fertilizer
• Over the last 40 years food production actually increased faster than population
• The average person eats almost 1500 lbs of food in a year
• Carrots have zero fat content
• Carrots were first cultivated in Afghanistan in the 7th century, and they started with yellow flesh and a purple exterior
• Chocolate is the number one foodstuff flavour in the world, beating both vanilla and banana
• Native Americans never actually ate turkey; killing such a timid bird was thought to indicate laziness
• The amount of pizza eaten each day in the USA measures between 75 -100 acres.
• Found on the seal of a bag of bagels: New and Improved - Made the old fashioned way

MY DIET ADVICE

• A chocolate mousse that you did not order has no calories. Therefore, have your companion order dessert and you taste half of it.
• Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don't eat them.
• All food eaten while standing has no calories. Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory relates to gravity. The calories apparently bypass the stomach flowing directly down the legs and through the soles of the feet into the floor, like electricity. Walking seems to accelerate this process, so that a frozen custard or hot dog eaten at a fayre actually has a calorie deficit. 

• Anything produced, purchased or intended for minors is calorie-free when eaten by adults. This category covers a wide range, beginning with a spoonful of baby tapioca, consumed for demonstration purposes, up to and including *biscuits baked and sent to college.
• Pies and cakes should be cut neatly, in even wedges or slices. If not, the responsibility falls on the person putting them away to "straighten up the edges" by slicing away the offending irregularities, which have no calories when eaten.
• Anything eaten in front of the TV has no calories. This may have something to do with radiation leakage, which negates not only the calories in the
• If you have a drink in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories. Several principles are at work here. First of all, you're probably standing up at a cocktail party (see "Food on Foot"). Then there's the electronic field: a wet glass in one hand forms a negative charge to reverse the polarity of the calories attracted to the other hand. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it's reversible if you're left-handed.
• All cakes are horrendously fattening. However, the calories can be eliminated simply by inscribing "Happy Birthday, Bob" or "Good Luck, Pauline" in coloured icing. Not only is it unnecessary to decline, it's impolite.
• Sausages, cheese and the like are all fattening unless impaled on frilled toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out the bottom.
• If you are rushed through a meal, the entire meal doesn't count. Conversely, if you have ordered something fattening and now regret it, you can minimize its calories by gulping it down.
• Anything somebody made 'just for you' must be eaten regardless of the calories because to do otherwise would be uncaring and insensitive.