Wisdom in Phrases

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

- Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

- W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As

you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

- Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out.

May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and
may nothing but happiness come through your door.

INTERESTING ONLY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE

·        "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."-Woody Allen.

· "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."-Rodney Dangerfield.

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   "Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet."-Robin Williams.

·        "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing."-Duane Dewel.

·        "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."-Helen Rowland

·  "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America...The rest cheat in Europe."-Jackie Mason

·      "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."-Leonardo Di Vinci.

·        "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."-Lewis Grizzard.

·        "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern."-Mickey Rooney.

·        "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."-Rodney Dangerfield.

·        "The difference between divorce and legal separationis that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."-Johnny Carson