THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.

If shops are lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the

world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!..

ALWAYS Look on the Brighter Side of Life

·        Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

·        A day without sunshine is like, night.

·        On the other hand, you have different fingers.

·        I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

·        42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

·        99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

·        I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

·    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used  against you.

·        I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

·        Honk if you love peace and quiet.

·        Remember half the people you know are below average.

·        Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

·        Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

·        He who laughs last thinks slowest.

·        Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

·        Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

·        The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

·        I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

·        I intend to live forever - so far so good.

·        Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

·        Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

·        If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

·        Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

·        Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

·        The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

·        Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

·        When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

·        If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

·        A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

·        Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

·        For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

·        Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

·        Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

·        No one is listening until you make a mistake.

·        Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

·        The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

·        The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

·        The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

·        To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

·        To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

·        Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

·        You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

·        Two wrongs are only the beginning.

·        The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

·        The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

·        A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

·        Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

·        Get a new car for your spouse - it’ll be a great trade!

·        Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

·        Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

·        If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

·        How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...