Advanced Stress Management Techniques

If suffering from stress it may be difficult to react as this writer below suggests and make these comments in real life; however, they are quite amusing when read:

•    When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
•    Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
•    Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
•    I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 28 years.
•    Allow me to introduce my selves.
•    Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
•    I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
•    Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.
•    I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
•    Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
•    I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
•    Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
•    You say I'm a witch like it's a bad thing.
•    Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
•    Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
•    Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
•    Earth is full. Go home.
•    Is it time for your medication or mine?
•    How do I set the laser printer to stun?
•    I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.