Riddles
Q: What are two
things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.
A: Lunch and supper.
Q: Why did the
man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
Q: Why did the man throw the
butter out the window? A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.
Q: What has two
hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.
Q: What has a neck, but no head? A: A clock.
A: A bottle.
Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom.
Q: Why did the
man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: What State in
the United States is High in the middle and round at the
ends?
A: Ohio.
A: Ohio.
Q: "There
were some twins. One was twenty, the other was twenty 2. One married the other.
How can be this ?"
A: "One was twenty, the other twenty too. One was a priest so he married the other"
PS: These sentences must be asked orally .Pronunciation is important. (too = 2)
A: "One was twenty, the other twenty too. One was a priest so he married the other"
PS: These sentences must be asked orally .Pronunciation is important. (too = 2)
Q: How do you
spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.
A: C-A-T.
This one should
be spoken.
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
Q: How many
people are buried in that cemetery?
A: All of them.
A: All of them.
Q: What can't be used until it's broken?
A: An egg.
Q: What do tigers
have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.
A: Baby tigers.
Q: What is Black
and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper
A: A newspaper
Q: Why is number
six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Submitted by MR Engelsman
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Submitted by MR Engelsman
Q: How do you know
when a motorcycle policeman is happy?
A: He has bugs on his teeth!
A: He has bugs on his teeth!
Q: What did zero
say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)
A: Nice belt.
(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)
Q: What did
number 1 say to 7?
A: Nice hair
A: Nice hair
In the
alphabet...
Q: Which is the most self-centered
letter of the alphabet? A: "i" (I)
Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
"y" (Why?")
Q: Which letter
is not me?
A: U.
A: U.
Q: What letter
can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?
A: W (Double u- Double you)
Q: Why don't we need a compass at
the North Pole? A: W (Double u- Double you)
A: Because every direction is south.
Q: Why is the A
like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
A: Because the B is after it.
Why is the letter
"A" like noon?
Because it's in the middle of the day.
Because it's in the middle of the day.
Q: "What
letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"
A: "The C"
A: "The C"
Q: "What
letter of the alphabet is always waiting in order?"
A: "The Q. (queue)
A: "The Q. (queue)
Q: What has two
heads, four eyes, six legs and a tail?
A: A horse and its rider.
A: A horse and its rider.
Q: What is as big
as a horse but doesn't weigh anything?
A: The horse's shadow.
A: The horse's shadow.
Q. Why was the
hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin
A. Because of the coffin
Q: Why are man
with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.
Q: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.
Q: What begins
with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.
A: A teapot.
Q: Do you know
why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Q: Why do birds
fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Q: Which letters
do Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday have in common?
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
A: None! None of them have "c", "o","m" or "n" in them.
I tried this one
with Japanese university students. They understood all the words and enjoyed
it.
Q: What are the 3 important rings
in life? A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
Q: Which room has
no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
A: A mushroom.
Q: What gets
wetter as it dries?
A: A towel
A: A towel
Q: A man rode
into town on Tuesday. Two days later he rode home on Tuesday. How is this
possible?
A: His horse's name is Tuesday.
A: His horse's name is Tuesday.
Q: Why didn't the
skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)
A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)
Q: A father and
his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the
hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can't do surgery on him, because he's
my son. Who was the doctor?
A: The doctor was his mother.
It's an old riddle that is more
difficult in some countries than in others. A: The doctor was his mother.
Q: Why did the
student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because he/she was going to high school!
A: Beacuse it saw the salad dressing!
Q: What are the
two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
Q: How far can a
dog run into the forest?
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
A: Halfway, after that he is running out of the forest.
Q: What do you
call a bear without an "ear"?
A: BBBBBBB
A: BBBBBBB
Q: Which is
faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
A: How many
apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
B: 4 or 5
A: No, that's wrong, because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
If you are doing
a discussion about space, then students will like this one.
Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to
outer space? A: To find Pluto.
Q: What is the
differnce between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
(It needs to be spoken to understand it.)
Q: What do you
call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos
It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)
A: Carlos
It's pronounced "carless" (meaning without a car)
Q: What's the
difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.
This riddle may
be used when teaching a lesson on occupations.
Q: What's the difference between a
TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ? A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.
Q: What part of
your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)
Q: What do you
call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
A: A sandwich.
Q: Why did the
trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Q: What's the
difference between a lion with toothache and a wet day?
A: One's roaring with pain the other's pouring with rain
A: One's roaring with pain the other's pouring with rain
Q: Why are
baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.
A: There is a fan in every seat.
My
Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.
Q: What do you call a person who
speaks 3 languages? A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!
Q: What do you
call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")
Q: What has
thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?
A: A pack of playing cards.
Q: What do you call a fish that
only cares about himself? A: A pack of playing cards.
A: Selfish.
Q: Why couldn't
Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)
Q. What's a
minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)
Q: Why can't a
bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
Q: What do you
get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?
A: Pork chops.
A: Pork chops.
Q: What's got a
head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.
Q: What's got a wave but no sea? A: A coin.
A: My hair.
Q: What has three
feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.
A: A yard.
Q: Where does a
boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?
A: Wherever he wants to.
A: Wherever he wants to.
What makes
"oom" and gives milk?
A cow walking backwards.
A cow walking backwards.
Q: What does a
man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!
A: Ouch!
Q: Where does
Dracula stay when he goes to New York City?
A: The Vampire State building.
Q: What do cows like to read? A: The Vampire State building.
A: The mooooospaper
Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
Re-worded by
another teacher.
Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)
Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)
A: What is the
word that everybody always says wrong?
B: "Wrong".
B: "Wrong".
Q: What
five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short
A: Short
A: What's the
longest word in the dictionary?
B; Rubber-band -- because it streches.
B; Rubber-band -- because it streches.
Q. How many
seconds are there in one year?
A. Twelve.
January second, February second, March second...
Q. What two days
of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!
Q: What did the
doughnut say to the loaf of bread?
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
Q: Why did the
pony have a sore throat?
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)
Q: What did the
undertaker die of?
A: Coughin' (coffin)
A: Coughin' (coffin)
Q: Why can't a
nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
A: Because then it would be a foot.
Q: How do
porcupines kiss each other?
A: Very carefully.
A: Very carefully.
Q: What has four
wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
A: A garbage truck.
Q: What has teeth
but can't bite?
A: A Comb.
A: A Comb.
Q: Why did the
chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
A: To get to the other side.
Q. Why did the
turkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken was on vacation.
A. Because the chicken was on vacation.
Q. Why did the
baby cross the road?
A. Because it was stapled to the chicken.
A. Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the
germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide!
A: To get to the other slide!
A: Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?
B: Because it was stuck to the chickens foot.
Q: Why did the
chicken cross the road?
A: To show the possum it could be done.
A: To show the possum it could be done.
Q: Why do people
call their own language their mother tongue?
A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it.
NOTE: For this to be funny,
students need to understand that in many cultures women have the image of
speaking so much that their husbands seldom have a chance to say anything. A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it.
Q: A big moron
and a little moron are walking across a bridge when the big moron falls off.
Why didn't the little moron fall off?
A: He was a little more on.
A: He was a little more on.
Q: Name one eight
letter word that has kst in the middle, in the beginning, and at the end.
A: "Inkstand", "in" is at the beginning, "kst" is in the middle, and "and" is at the end.
A: "Inkstand", "in" is at the beginning, "kst" is in the middle, and "and" is at the end.
Q: When does a
dialect become a language?
A: When its speakers get an army and a navy.
A: When its speakers get an army and a navy.
Q: What is a
Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without any dressing.
A: Lettuce alone without any dressing.
Q: Why is it
impossible to starve in the desert?
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
Q: Why don't
sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
A: Because they taste funny.
Q: What would the
pig say when its tailed was held tight by the farmer who had a sharp knife in
his other hand?
A: "That's the end of me!"
A: "That's the end of me!"
Q: Do you know
where people send a horse when it is sick?
A: To a horsepital.
Q: What did the doctor say when
the invisible man called to make an appointment? A: To a horsepital.
A: Tell him I can't see him today.
Q: Which 'BUS'
could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
A: Columbus!
Q: What a bee
says when it gets in the hive?
A: Hi Honey! I'm home!
A: Hi Honey! I'm home!
Q: How do you
catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !
A: Why did the
boy balloon chase the girl balloon?
Q: Because he wanted to see her bust!
Q: Because he wanted to see her bust!
Q: What do you
call a fish with no eyes?
A: fsh (No letter "i", so no i's.)
Q: What do you call a deer with no
eyes? A: fsh (No letter "i", so no i's.)
A: No idea. (No eye deer)
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
A: Still no idea.
Q: Where do cows
go for entertainment?
A: They go to the mooovies!
A: They go to the mooovies!
Q: What animal is
it that has four legs a tail and flies?
A: A dead horse!
A: What is the difference between
a mail box and an elephant? A: A dead horse!
B: I don't know.
A: I'm not going to give you any letters to post then!
Q: What do you
call 'a fly' without wings?
A: You call it 'a walk.'
A: You call it 'a walk.'
I saw this on a
web-site of musician jokes. It's not original, but I thought I would share it.
Here it is:
Q: What's the difference between a
musician and a savings bond? A: A savings bond eventually matures and earns money.
Q: What color is
a guitar string?
A: Plink!
(It is the sound the a guitar makes. The word sounds like the color "pink.")
A: Plink!
(It is the sound the a guitar makes. The word sounds like the color "pink.")
What goes
"ZUB, ZUB"?
A bee flying backwards.(Buz,Buz)
A bee flying backwards.(Buz,Buz)
(After teaching
about telling time)
Teacher: What time is it?
Students: Umm, eight fifty-nine?
Teacher: Nope.
Students: About nine o'clock?
Teacher: No.
Students: What then?
Teacher: It's time to go home.
Teacher: What time is it?
Students: Umm, eight fifty-nine?
Teacher: Nope.
Students: About nine o'clock?
Teacher: No.
Students: What then?
Teacher: It's time to go home.
Q: What did one
light bulb say to another light bulb?
A: You are the light of my life.
A: You are the light of my life.
Q: Why did the
golfer take and extra pair of pants for his Saturday round of golf?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Q. Why did the
golfer wear two pairs of trousers?
A. In case he got a hole in one!
A. In case he got a hole in one!
Q: What flowers
have two lips?
A: Tulips
Q: They travel all over the world
but end up in the corner, what are they? A: Tulips
A: Stamps
Q: Why didn't the
farmer cry when his dairy cow fell off the cliff?
A: There's no use crying over split milk.
A: There's no use crying over split milk.
Q: Ten copycats
were sitting in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None. They were all copycats.
Q: What is the difference between
a jeweler and a jailor? A: None. They were all copycats.
A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.
Q: What is a
bachelor?
A: A man who never Mrs. (misses) anyone.
A: A man who never Mrs. (misses) anyone.
Q: Why do cows
have bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
A: Because their horns don't work.
This one may be
difficult for some ESL students since it requires knowing the words
"seagul", "bay" and "bagel"
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the
sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
Q: What's the
difference between a trampoline and an English textbook?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
Q: How do you get
ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?
A: Shoot nine of them.
(Use as an example of the insult variety of jokes.)
A: Shoot nine of them.
(Use as an example of the insult variety of jokes.)
Q: Why were the
little drops of ink crying?
A: Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.
A: Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.
Q: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn't even know sheep could knit!
A: Expla-nation.
Q: What's the most colorful state of U.S.A.?
A: Color-ado.
Q: In what state
does it cost the most to live in?
A: Expennsylvania.
A: Expennsylvania.
Q: What did the
cannibal who was late for dinner get?
A: The cold shoulder.
A: The cold shoulder.
A Christmas time
joke for grammar classes:
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: What do you
call a dog with no legs?
A: Why bother, he won't come anyway.
A: Why bother, he won't come anyway.
Q: How do you top
a car?
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!
Q: Is there a
word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ?
A: Unquestionablely!
A: Unquestionablely!
Q: Why do birds
fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.
A: Because it's too far to walk.
Vocabulary Quiz:
Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)
Information Quiz: Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)
Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)
Q: If you are
Russian before you enter the bathroom and Finnish after you leave the bathroom,
what are you when you are in the bathroom?
A: European. (You're
a-peein'.)
This riddle may
be good for high-level science majors.
Q: What do you call a test tube
that graduates from high school? A: A graduated cylinder
Here is a good
riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Q: How did Jonah
feel after he got swallowed by a fish?
A: Down in the mouth.
Q: What did the monk say to the
hotdog vendor? A: Down in the mouth.
A: Make me one with everything.
Maybe only
appropriate for more mature students.
Q: What did the fish say when he
hit the wall? A: Dam!
Q: A man was
locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano. How did he drink,
how did he eat, and how did he get out? Another man was locked in a room with
only a mirror and a table. How did he get out? A third man was locked in an
empty room. How did he escape?
A: The first man drank from the
springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until
he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. The second man looked
in the mirror to see what he saw. Then he took the saw and cut the table in
half. Next, he put the two halves together to make a whole. Finally, he crawled
out through the hole. The third man broke out with the measles.
Q. What's brown
and sticky?
A. A stick!
A. A stick!
Teacher: How can
we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.
