Things you should know

.

There are more than twenty sheep for every person living in New-Zealand

The Swiss eat more cheese per head of population than any other nations

Ice-cream was invented in 1620

There is a place in Norway called Hell. (1 ticket for Hell please,first class)

Cats cannnot taste sweet food 

When flies take off, they jump backwards 

Blond people have more hair on their head than dark-haired people

There are more than 28000000 cats in the USA

No piece of paper can be folded in half more then 7 times.

Men building the tomb of Ramseses III in the twelfth century BC
wenton strike for higher pay

Incas used to eat guinea-pigs

At Chrismas 1969 black snow fell in Sweden (1969, turn the 9 upside down = 666)

Mary, Queen of Scots, was said te be a skilful billiards player

Warm water freezes more quickly than cold water

Napoleon was afraid of cats (Lucky he didn't go to the USA)

In 1820, a man sold his wife in the cattle market for 25p (wouldn't you wish you could do that?)

Los Angeles contains more cars then people

There are about 1000 diffrent words for camel in Arabic 

Snails can sleep for 3 years without waking up 

Male monkeys sometimes go bald, just like men do (hehehe!)

The Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator

The sea-urchin walks on the tips of its teeth

A spider's web applied to a bleeding wound helps the blood to clot (NOT the spider, the web!)

 

English to Chinese Translation!

ENGLISH PHRASE-----------CHINESE TRANSLATION

Are you harboring a fugitive?---Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P.------------ Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man-----------------Dum Gai

Small Horse----------------Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high!!--------No Bai Dam Thing!!

Did you go to the beach?------Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table---Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift-----Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here---------Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed?---Hao Long Wei Ting?

An unauthorized execution------Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet----Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone------- No Pah King

You are not very bright--------Yu So Dum

I got this for free------------Ai No Pei

I am not guilty---------------Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer----Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled next week-- Wai Yu Kum Nao

They have arrived------------Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight-------------Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile-----Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive------Hu Man Go!

Pew! does this bathroom stink!----Hu Flung Dung?

Still blonde-cute !!!

A friend tells the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blonde says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

------------------------------------

Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"

The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."

------------------------------------

A woman phones her blonde neighbor and says, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the blonde replies, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

------------------------------------

A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"

She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."

------------------------------

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me.”

The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

------------------------------------

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope, "DO NOT BEND."

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

------------------------------------

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

------------------------------------

A blonde is driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

------------------------------------

A blonde’s dog goes missing, and she is frantic. Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"

She does, but two weeks later, the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.

She replies, "Here boy!"

------------------------------------

A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.

"It should be around your neck," says the guard.

"I know," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

------------------------------------

An Italian tourist asks a blonde, "Why do American scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

Inventions By Blondes

1. The water-proof towel
 
2. Glow in the dark sunglasses
 
3. Solar powered flashlights
 
 4. Submarine screen doors
 
5. A book on how to read
 
6. Inflatable dart boards
 
7. A dictionary index
 
8. Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
 
9. Powdered water
 
10. Pedal-powered wheel chairs
 
11. Waterproof tea bags
 
12. Watermelon seed sorter
 
13. Zero proof alcohol
 
14. Reuseable ice cubes
 
15. See-through toilet tissue
 
16. Skinless bananas
 
17. Do-it-yourself road map
 
18. Turnip ice cream
 
19. Toe implants
 
20. An all white flag
 
21. Rolls Royce pickup truck
 
22. Helicopter Ejector Seat

Your Daily Moment of Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just
leave me the heck alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper,that's the time to do it.

5. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't
be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

7. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve
as a warning to others.

10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good
qualities without your help.

11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of car payments.

12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.

13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish,and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.

16. Don't squat with your spurs on.

17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.

19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

20. Don't worry, it only seems wierd the first time.

21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.

22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.

23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a
raindance.

24. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
25. Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with men. Neither one
works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth
is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

BLONDE JOKES

Blonde and Pizza

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Blonde orders a drink.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender...Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic."Blonde: "I'll have a15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7"

Blonde crossing the road

Why did the blonde cross the road? I don't know. Neither did he.

Ice-fishing Blonde.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!"Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!"The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!"She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."

Blonde Joke Jackpot!

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: Why did God create brunettes? A: Neither could the blondes.Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children.Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ?? A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

 

Dumb Blonde Crooks

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

The Y2K Blonde!

Blonde secretary's memo to her boss:TO: My BossFROM: BlondieSUBJECT: Changing Calendars For Y2KI hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for you. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:JanuarkFebruarkMakJulkI also changed all the days of each week to:SundakMondakTuesdakWednesdakThursdakFridakSaturdakWe are now Y to K compliant.Your loyal secretary!

MY SUGGESTIONS WHY TO PARTY

1. Because it's Friday.
2. Because your dentist canceled your appointment.
3. Because you can't think of anything boring to do.
4. Because it's daytime.
5. Because it's nighttime.
6. Because it's exactly one week later than it was this time last week.
7. Because you like to make ice.
8. Because you want to annoy your neighbors.
9. Because you're dying to wear your new light shade.
10. Because you're tired of playing 'Charades' with yourself.
11. Because you're carrying a party gene.
12. Because you found the perfect shoes.
13. Because you're afraid your lifestyle is too healthy.
14. Because you never know...
15. Because your place could use a good mess.
16. Because your mother needs something to be upset about.
17. Because you have a sudden urge to limbo.
18. Because your inhibitions are out of town.
19. Because the bank made an error in your favor.
20. Because it's there.
21. Because you need more bean dip in your diet.
22. Because the fun content of your blood is too low.
23. Because you look good doing it.
24. Because you're considering it as a career.
25. Because your yo-yo stock went up a point.
26. Because someone's got to do it.
27. Because you have a bad reputation to uphold.
28. Because your plants want to meet new people.
29. Because fun is a terrible thing to waste.
30. Because you want to try out your new jokes.
31. Because it's your patriotic duty.
32. Because you're going for the party record.
33. Because your roommate got rid of his scorpion farm.
34. Because you need the practice.
35. Because you're not getting any younger.
36. Because the vet says your hamster will pull through.
37. Because you've got it coming to you.
38. Because your life is starting to grow moss.
39. Because your brain needs a night off.
40. Because you never met a party you didn't like.
41. Because the fate of the free world depends on it.
42. Because the universe is expanding.
43. Because your dog is finally housebroken.
44. Because it's the only exercise you get.
45. Because maturity is overrated.
46. Because a party demon has possessed your body.
47. Because it hurts too much when you stop.
48. Because these are your "party years!"
49. Because you're too polite to turn down an invitation.
50. Because you can't boogie to a book.
51. Because you have an overactive party gland.
52. Because the moon is in a party phase.
53. Because otherwise the police would have nothing to do.
54. Because curfew has been lifted.
55. Because the phone company lost your Internet bill.
56. Because you won the lottery and feel reckless.
57. Because life seems so dull without it.
58. Because that's how the dinosaurs would have wanted to go.
59. Because you haven't eaten a million corn chips yet.
60. Because you're suffering from popcorn deficiency.
61. Because you're supposed to be the irresponsible one.
62. Because how else are you going to learn to juggle chainsaws?
63. Because your bank manager finally lifted that death threat.
64. Because you need to get to know more riot police.
65. Because your budgie ate your concert tickets and you need to let the party feeling out somehow.
66. Because the voices tell you to.
67. Because if not you, who else?
68. Because it's time.
69. Because the local committee like you too much.
70. Because you need to cultivate a bad impression.
71. Because if you don't you'll explode.
72. Because you got your coursework in on time.
73. Because your lecturer forgot to set work for the weekend.
74. Because you suspect you're too uptight.
75. Because you need to get ready for New Year's.
76. Because THEY don't want you to.
77. Because it's a long way till midnight, and you've got ten crates to get through.
78. Because you want to finish all the food in your house before dawn.
79. Because someone bet you to.
80. Because the dice tell you to. (see Luke Rhinehart)
81. Because you haven't heard a police megaphone for a whole week.
82. Because you want to meet new alcohol.
83. Because that's the last thing they'll expect.
84. Because it's down to you.
85. Because you spend too much time on the Net and you don't want to develop keyboard withdrawal.
87. Because how else are you going to rebel?
88. Because you just want to, alright, ALRIGHT?!
89. Because you're too tense.
90. Because everyone you know needs convincing you're insane.
91. Because your parrot accused you of being boring.
92. Because you know at least "30 things to do before you're 30" that you haven't done.
93. Because you need good reference material.
94. Because you want to create a false identity.
95. Because you want to prove you can.
96. Because you feel like everyone's ignoring you.
97. Because you want to improve your crime sheet.
98. Because you have a very evil punch recipe.
99. Because because because because... because of the wonderful things it does! (see Wizard of Oz)
100. Because you need to work on your purity test score.

THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU WHEN YOU GET OLD (PART 2)

·        My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

·        The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

·        I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there. 

·        ·  I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

·       ·   I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

·        ·  I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

·    ·  The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

·        If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

·        And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

·        You could run these walking jokes over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!

• Ageing: eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
• The easiest way to find something that's lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
• If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you?
• A penny saved is a government oversight.
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

• He who hesitates is almost certainly right.
• Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
• There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt..
• The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
• Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

SOME FUNNY PICTURES FOR TODAY