Strange But True

 

Cuba's humming bird is 5.7cm long, weighs 14.2 g, lays eggs which are 0.6cm long and will fight birds 4 to 5 times bigger than itself.
***
The nose of a dog is so sensitive that it can tell the difference between a tub of water and a tub of water with a teaspoon of salt in it.
***
23 percent of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them to photocopy their butts or genitals.
***
Whale eyes are the size of a grapefruit.
***
Robots can carry out surgery while the surgeon watches a video and directs the robot from a computer.
***
Ants stretch when they wake up. They also appear to yawn in a very human manner before taking up the tasks of the day.
***
Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were seventh cousins.
***
1961 was the most recent year that could be written upside-down and right side-up and appear the same.
***
Sponge Candy was invented in Buffalo, NY.
***
Revolvers cannot be silenced because of all the noisy gasses which escape the cylinder gap at the rear of the barrel.
***

Napolean conducted his battle plans in a sandbox.
***
Armadillos can be house broken.
***
Sharks are immune to cancer.
***
Horses lift their heads up high to look at something far into the distance. To see things that are closer, they lower their heads.
***
They have square watermelons in Japan. They stack better.
***
The world's tallest roller coaster is located in England and reaches a peak height of 72 meters
***
One in five of the world's 2.5 million medical doctors are Russian.
***
Man releases over a billion tons of pollutants into the Earth's atmosphere every year.
***
The YKK on the zipper of your Levis stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
***
One of the ingredients in ice cream is seaweed.

Quotes

 

Life leads us to many roads, all of which we can take (Thomas Michlich)
***
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most do
***
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are (Marianne Williamson)
***
The grass may look greener on the other side but it still needs to be mowed (Unknown)
***
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated (William James)
***
Someday is not a day of the week (Anonymous)
***
The greatest good you can do for others is not just show your riches but to reveal to them their own (Benjamin Disraeli)
***
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated (William James)
***
I would much rather live with disappointment than regret (Andre Agassi)
***
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up (Thomas Edison)
***

If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, then you are an excellent leader (Dolly Parton)
***
Over every mountain there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley (James Rogers)
***
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom (General George Patton)
***
Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes (Kenneth Hildebrand)
***
Play hard, do your best, give it all you have. You will always be the winner (Mark Sth Carolina)
***
Marriage is like a cage
***
Luck sometimes visits a fool, but it never sits down with him (German Proverb)
***
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear (Mark Twain)
***
This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it! (Tom Cunningham)
***
Life leads us to many roads, all of which we can take (Thomas Michlich)

Wacky Words

 

fulminate, To 'thunder', to denounce scathingly.
***
doff, to take off or lift up, to rid oneself of.
***
gravitas, High seriousness, sobriety.
***
philology - the study of literature and related subjects, including the use of language in literature or the historical development in languages
***
sang-froid, coolness and composure, especially in trying circumstances.
***
nemophilist, one who is fond of forest or forest scenery or a haunter of the woods.
***
gravamen - the material or significant part of a grievance or complaint
***
osmic - Of or relating to odors or the sense of smell
***
baedeker, a guidebook to countries or a country.
***
gesundheit - used to wish good health especially to one who sneezed
***
apprise, to give notice to, to inform.
***
zephyr, The west wind, A mild breeze.
***
persiflage, Light banter, frivolous discussion.
***
sough, To make a soft murmuring or rustling sound.
***
vernal, Fresh, youthful.
***
dissimulate, to feign, to pretend.
***
cryptography - the coding and decoding of secret messages
***
malinger - to pretend incapacity - as illness, so as to avoid duty or work
***
acrimony, bitter, harsh, or biting sharpness.
***
staid, sober, grave, steady, sedate, composed.

Interesting Concepts

 

-If you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
-Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
-What do chickens think we taste like?
-What do people in China call their good plates?
-What do you call a male ladybug?
-What hair colour do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
-When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
-Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
-Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
-Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
-Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?
-Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
-Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
-Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
-How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
-If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?
-Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
-You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes, Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
-If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
-If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
-If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

interesting letters

Playgirl Rejection Letter



May 3^rd 2013


PLAYGIRL, INC.


Dear Mrs. Smith,

We wish to thank you for your letter and the polaroid picture
of your husband. We agree that his appearance in our March issue as
the Playgirl's Man of the Month centerfold would have been a truly
fitting way for you to honor your 75th anniversary of wedded bliss,
and as a life-time memento on his birthday.

We submitted the picture to our various panels of judges, as
it is our routine procedure, with the following results:

When rated by our panel of average American women (ages 25 to
40) on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), his body was rated
a -2.

To further justify our ratings, we submitted your photograph
to another panel of women in the age bracket of 45 to 100. We couldn't
get them to stop laughing long enough to take the time to rate him.

The old American women panel, aged 70 to 100, widowed for over
twenty years, said We'll retain our widowed status!

The Organization of Nude Portrait Painters (thinking perhaps
they could touch up the picture), said We can't perform miracles!

We therefore regret that we will not be able to satisfy your
request for John on his 75th wedding anniversary. We do, however,
invite you to submit other pictures for Playgirl's centerfold. Please
be advised that the minimum requirement is that the staple used to
hold the centerfold in place in the magazine cannot completely
obliterate what we refer to as the item of interest as it would in
John's case.

Yours truly,

Jane Brown
Playgirl, Inc.

THANK YOU

Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year!
It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!

Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out
from you that it's good for removing toilet stains and rusting the
arse out of 40-gallon drum.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected
with a disease.

I smell like a homeless f*@k, but thank goodness I stopped using
deodorant because you said it causes cancer.

I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have
to walk about seventeen blocks, because you said that someone might
drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask
me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with
calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.

I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are
nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that
are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds and KFC can sell their
wares.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I would
get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody or talk to anybody
- you said that someone would take my kidneys and leave me taking a
nap in a bathtub full of ice.

However, the police are also after me at present because you said not
to pull over, as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of
the USD15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I
participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and
neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am
positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to
follow and I got a curse.


What to Do With All Those Free Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman
-------------------------------------------------------
 Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory. Kathy, Relief Maid
 --------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them. S. Berman
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance. Your regular maid, Dotty
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you. Elaine Carmen Housekeeper
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen, It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me? S. Berman
--------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you, Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
 ------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder, My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience. Martin L. Kensedder Assistant Manager
--------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen, Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one d*mn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial. S. Berman
 ------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman, You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room. Elaine Carmen Housekeeper
-------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen, Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess: - On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. - On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. - Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. - On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3. Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings. S. Berman