10 Ways to tell your internet connection is slow.

1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code


2. Graphics arrive via FedEx


3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection


4. You post a message to your favorite newsgroup and it displays a week later


5. Your credit card expires while ordering online


6. ESPN Web site exhibits "Heisman Trophy Winner" ...for 1989


7. You're still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, "PacMan"


8. Everyone you talk to on the 'net phone' sounds like Forrest Gump


9. You receive e-mails with stamps on them


10. When you click the "Send" button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.

Top ten error messages

The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought


"That URL was not found because frankly, I didn' try hard enough."


"If you continue to type that way, you'll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."


"The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed."

"Normally, I would complain but I'll let that rough disk insertion slide this time."


"Don't worry, I'll clean up that beer stain."


"Its not a virus...its a STD(System Transmitted Disease)."


"Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click."


"That General Protection Fault is not yours."


"You're using MS Word 5.0 and that's a weenie version so why don't I upgrade you for free?"


"I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video... may I suggest another?"

Lifes Reflections

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 

2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. 

 

3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 

4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

5. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. 

6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. 

8. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.