INTERNATIONAL MARKETING FLOPS - ACTUAL ACCOUNTS
shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences.
For example...
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came
out as "eat your fingers off."
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got
translated in the Japanese market into "Whensmoking Salem, you feel so refreshedthat your mind seems to be free and empty."
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was
apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figuredout why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets tothe Caribe.
Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company foundout that Pinto was Brazilian slang for"tiny male genitals". Ford pried all thenameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to
say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company's
mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the adssaid that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which
promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish,
the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."
Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to make a tender
chicken," got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perduewith one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption thatexplained "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos
before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts." In this case,
however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious
porno mag.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into
Schweppes Toilet Water.
Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours.
Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its
name.
and finally...
In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to extoll the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence, the slogan, "Orange juice. It gets your pecker up."
Project Managers
If you get in my way, I'll kill you!
- ideal project manager
If you get in my way, you'll kill me!
- somewhat less than ideal project manager
If I get in my way, I'll kill you!
- somewhat misguided project manager
If I get in your way, I'll kill you!
- A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.)
If get kill in will way I you.
- dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager
I am the way! Kill me if you can!
- messianic project manager
Get away, I'll kill us all!
- suicidal project manager
If you kill me, I'll get in your way.
- thoughtful but ineffective project manager
If I kill you, I'll get in your way.
- project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious
If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm.
- project manager from New York
I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get killed.
- project manager who is about to get in big trouble
If you kill me, so what? If you get in my way, who cares?
- weak, uninspired, lackluster project manager
If I kill me, you'll get your way.
- pragmatic project manager
Kill me, it's the only way.
- every project manager to date.
Opportunity at Dark Side Consulting Group
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side
Consulting Group
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.
Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master's planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operatinga variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-poweredspace/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is
also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons.
Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant. Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give
in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire
would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)
Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field.
Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothingallowance. The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master's plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.
Applications will be accepted until the end of July. Transmit them holographically to: jobs@darkside.com.
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Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused organization,founded a long time ago. Our core values reflect the short-termadvantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and thelong-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We providedirection to our partner organizations through knowledgemanagement, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention
expertise. Our partnered organizations include the Imperial Senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine, and many large software companies.
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