Something to Think About

In 1923, Who Was

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.
Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

The Answers:

1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.

However, in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen. What  became of him?

He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death.

The Moral: Screw work. Play golf.

Wackiness at work

How to Keep the Wackiness Alive in the Modern Workplace 

1. Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

2. Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during themeeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

3. Insist that your e-mail addressbe"zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.

5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

6. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

8. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.

11. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)

12. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point Sparky." "No, I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." "Hey Bucko, are we meeting later?"etc...

14. Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children draw stick figures yourself.)

15. Schedule meetings for 4:14 p.m.. or 2:37 p.m., or 10:16 a.m.. 

16. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

17. Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.

18. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom." 

20. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

21. Plant a hedge around your cubicle.

23. Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.

24. Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office,and talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when she/he leaves.

25. When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office,mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave to get a coffee.

26. Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."

27. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

28. Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.

29. Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.

30. "Hi-lite" your shoes and tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
 
34. Include a personal note on every email you send. "On apersonal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." or "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."

35. Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.

37. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

38. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your own children.

39. Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc.... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

40. See how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Then start planting pizzas.

41. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

42. Put a sign on the copier that says, "Voice Activated! Speak loudly into the panel."

Insurance Claim Forms

TRUE EXTRACTS FROM UK INSURANCE CLAIM FORMS:

I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet.

I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Traveled by bus?

This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn

Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo

On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke. I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control. I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.
I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit himagain.  I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at mymother-in-law and headed over the embankment. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of itsintention. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring myvision and I did not see the other car. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when myuniversal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later foundin a ditch by some stray cows.

Not so famous Interviews

Julius Caesar - My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. 

Jesse James - I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks. 

Marie Antoinette - My management style has been criticized, but I'd like to think of my self as a people person. 

Joseph Guillotine - I can give your company a head start on the competition. 

Hamlet - My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover. 

Lucretia Borgia - My greatest accomplishment? after I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. 

Pandora - I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. 

Genghis Khan - My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. 

MacBeth - Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion. 

Lady Godiva - What do mean this isn't business casual? 

Elvis - My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries