Play the Office Game

Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree
to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: 

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your
mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just
called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and
grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. 

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I
don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
 
FIVE POINTS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude
with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch
into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing
irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the
report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter,
"Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights".

Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear
that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"
 
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about
it"

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very
important conference call.

Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.

Actual Business Signs In USA

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a classified ad: "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it." 

In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" 

On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal
Church." 

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques." 

In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you
can come here?" 

In a classified ad: "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of
aunts."

You know you are a teacher if...

You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

You find humor in other people's stupidity.

You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.

When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

You have no life between August to June.

When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.

You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.

You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.

You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."

You want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."

Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"

ARE YOU AN ENGINEER?

If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.

If your wristwatch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes.

If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal
point in the right place.

If you look forward to the holidays only to put together the kids' toys.

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging
coats and taping ducts.

If you window shop at Radio Shack

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi
movie looking for technical inaccuracies.

If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and
your camera's flash attachment.

If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

If you own 'Official Star Trek' anything.

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.

If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear
reactor.

If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.

If you truly believe aliens are living among us.

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns
bread into charcoal.

If you have more toys than your kids.

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work, and you rush up to
the front to fix it.

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.

If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel, and have seen most of the shows already

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.

If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.

If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.

If you did the sound system for your senior prom.

If your checkbook always balances.

If your wrist watch has more buttons than a telephone.

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

If you thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers.

If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get
enough sleep.

If you spend more on your home computer than your car.

If you know what http:/ stands for.

If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain
atmospheric absorption theory.

If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate (or
Chinese, pizza, beer, etc).

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.