Translations Gone Bad

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily.

In a formal Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel for skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On a menu in a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On a menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Tokyo hotel:

Please take advantage of the chambermaids.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:

For your convenience we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

In a Hong Kong dress shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

From the Soviet weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:

A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:

In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter.

In Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married for that purpose.

An ad by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A Russian chess book:

A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:

Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.

On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:

Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushu, Japan:

Stop---Drive sideways.

Swiss mountain inn:

Special today--no ice cream.

Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

A notice in a Japanese hotel (ca. 1950):

Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please not to read notice.

Office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run.

Japanese instructions on an air conditioner:

Cooles & Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:

English well talking. Here speeching American.

A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic:

No smoothen the lion

A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:

If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

In a Japanese restaurant (ca. 1950):

We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone.

WACKY JOB INTERVIEWS

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.

A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger
and french fries in the interviewer's office.

An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.

A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes
later wearing a hairpiece.

An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by
having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to
answer specific interview questions.

A candidate brought a large dog to interview.

An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while
standing up.

One candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "Most unusual" questions that have
been asked by job candidates.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

Lingo interpertation

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you. 

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED": Female Applicants must be childless (and remain  that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON": If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company
in perpetual chaos. 

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you
listen, figure out what they want and do it.