The Top 20 Real-Life Motivational Slogans

20. Failure is not an option. For you, it's inevitable.

19. Seek and you shall find. Find and it's your problem, so better think twice about that seeking stuff.

18. Your most inspired work will never be as frequently seen as a fake nude of Britney.

17. Just say "can't."

16. Plagiarism: Anyone can be daring and original, but it requires big brass balls to take credit without expending any effort. YOU HEAR THAT, YOU "WACKY" RADIO MORNING SHOW LOSERS?!?

15. There isn't that much difference between a "winner" and a "whiner." Or a "wiener," too, for that matter.

14. Don't forget: It's never too late to run away screaming.

13. Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. But hey, snickering at the lead dogs as they walk into all the cobwebs and step in all the poop ain't such a bad life.

12. Death: Remember, its cold, bony hand can be a comfort.

11. Determination: Keep your eyes on the prize or you may end up spending 20 years designing motivational posters. Please, somebody shoot me!

10. When the load gets tough, the tough get loaded.

9. There's no "I" in "TEAM." And while you were busy spell-checking, your co-worker took all the credit for that project you were working on.

8. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. So think twice before super-sizing that next order of fries, tubby.

7. Just shut up and drink the Kool-Aid.

6. Marketing: "Efforting to shift the organizational paradigm through dynamic manipulation of throughput structures" will get you promoted, but "wanking in the executive washroom" will get you fired.

5. Be honest with your neighbors. It's not just a good idea, it's Megan's law.

4. Integrity: That and a buck will buy you some coffee while everyone else is sleeping their way toward raises and bigger offices.

3. Anything in the world worth doing is-- HEY! FREE BAGELS IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM!

2. A morning without smiles is like a workday.

1. Moving ahead of your co-workers can be easy, provided you're willing to risk several consecutive life sentences.

 

Differences Between You And Your Boss

When you take a long time, you're slow. 

When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. 

When you don't do it, you're lazy. 

When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. 

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. 

When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human. 

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. 

When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative. 

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed. 

When your boss does it, he's being firm. 

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude. 

When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original. 

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping. 

When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative. 

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around. 

When your boss is out of the office, he's on business. 

When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum. 

When your boss does the same, he appreciated women. 

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick. 

When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill. 

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. 

When your boss applies for leave, it 's because he's overworked.

Engineers' Terminologies

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED: We are still guessing.

2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM:We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION: We know who to blame.

4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH: It works okay, but looks very hi-tech.

5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED: We are so far behind schedule, the customer is happy to get it delivered.

6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED: The only person who understood the thing quit.

9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT: Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL: Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING: We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION: I can't wait to hear this bull!

14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS: Come into my office, I'm lonely.

15. ALL NEW: Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

16. RUGGED: Too darn heavy to lift!

17. LIGHTWEIGHT: Lighter than RUGGED.

18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: One finally worked.

19. ENERGY SAVING: Achieved when the power switch is off.

20. LOW MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix if broken.

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking At Work

1. It's an incentive to show up. 

2. It reduces stress 

3. It leads to more honest communications. 

4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to
hear. 

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 

8. It encourages carpooling. 

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 

11. It makes fellow employees look better. 

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of
drinks. 

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.