Business laws
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching. - Yogi Berra
Bierman's Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
Billing's Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge's jokes are always funny.
Blutarsky's Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
Bolton's Law Of Ascending Budgets: Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess. - Joe Bolton, Fellow of the RAND Graduate Institute
Bonafede's Revelation: The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac. In truth, it's exhausting. - Dom Bonafede in a February, 1977 article in the Washington Post entitled "Surviving in Washington"
Boren's Laws Of The Bureaucracy: (1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder. - James H. Boren, Founder, President and Chairperson of the Board of the International Association of Professional Bureaucrats [INATAPROBU]
Bierman's Laws of Contracts: (1) In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's". (2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's". (3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
Billing's Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
Billings Phenomenon: The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious. - Robert E. Machol (The name refers to a well-known Billings story in which a farmer becomes concerned that his black horses are eating more than his white horses. He does a detailed study of the situation and finds that he has more black horses than white horses, Machol points out.)
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation: The judge's jokes are always funny.
Blutarsky's Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
Bolton's Law Of Ascending Budgets: Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess. - Joe Bolton, Fellow of the RAND Graduate Institute
Bonafede's Revelation: The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac. In truth, it's exhausting. - Dom Bonafede in a February, 1977 article in the Washington Post entitled "Surviving in Washington"
Boren's Laws Of The Bureaucracy: (1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder. - James H. Boren, Founder, President and Chairperson of the Board of the International Association of Professional Bureaucrats [INATAPROBU]
Oliver's Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Orben's Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't, constants aren't.
Ozman's Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible
O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
Parkinson's Laws:
Orben's Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't, constants aren't.
Ozman's Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible
O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
Parkinson's Laws:
First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income.
Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase
regardless of the amount of work to be done.
Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda
item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
Fifth Law - If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good
bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
Sixth Law - Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.
We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing
an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who
turns back soonest is the most progressive. - C.S. Lewis
We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and most enligthened when we are the most confused.
We don't have the time or money to do it right, but we'll have time and money to do it over again.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
We'll worry about that when we get there.
We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
We've always done it that way!
Wet manure is slippery. - OSHA discovery
We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and most enligthened when we are the most confused.
We don't have the time or money to do it right, but we'll have time and money to do it over again.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
We'll worry about that when we get there.
We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
We've always done it that way!
Wet manure is slippery. - OSHA discovery
A husband with a computer addiction
My Dear Husband,
I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George--err--Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away, she'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love,
Your Wife
I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.
I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn't be disturbed.
Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George--err--Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away, she'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love,
Your Wife
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