Women seeking men

"WOMEN SEEKING MEN" Classifieds
 

40-ish means: 48

Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will

Affectionate means: Possessive

Artist means: Unreliable

Average looking means: You figure this one out

Beautiful means: Pathological liar

Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!

Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise

Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin

Educated means: College dropout

Emotionally Secure means: Medicated

Employed means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home

Enjoys art and opera means: Snob

Enjoys Nature means: Bring your own granola

Exotic Beauty means: Would frighten a Martian

Financially Secure means: One paycheck from the street

Free spirit means: Substance abuser

Friendship first means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun means: Annoying

Gentle means: Comatose

Good Listener means: Hard to pull a word from her

Humorous means: Caustic

Intuitive means: Your opinion doesn't count

In Transition means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

Light drinker means: Lush

Looks younger means: If viewed from far away in bad light

Loves Travel means: If you're paying

Loves Animals means: Cat lady

Non-traditional means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

Open-minded means: Desperate

Outgoing means: Loud

Passionate means: Loud

Poet means: Depressive Schizophrenic

Redhead means: Shops on the Clairol aisle

Reliable means: Frumpy

Reubenesque means: You can figure this one out

Romantic means: Looks better by candle light

Self-employed means: Jobless

Smart means: Insipid

Special means: Rode the small schoolbus w/ tinted windows

Spiritual means: Involved with a cult

Stable means: Boring

Tall, thin means: Anorexic

Tan means: Wrinkled

Wants Soulmate means: One step away from stalking

Widow Nagged means: first husband to death

Writer means: Pompous

Young at heart means: How about the rest

Quaylisms

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have
was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse
with those people."-- J. Danforth Quayle

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- J. Danforth Quayle

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother andchild."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." --Vice President Dan Quayle

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same
distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures
where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that
means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is
being very wasteful. How true that is."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean
in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. Ididn't live in this century."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
democracy - but that could change."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that one word is 'to be prepared'."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89

"May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world."
-- The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy,though.]

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88

"We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward." -- Vice
President Dan Quayle

"I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements
in the Future."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"The future will be better tomorrow." -- Vice President Dan Quayle

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions
and have a tremendous impact on history."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."-- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a
firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe." -- Vice President Dan Quayle

"Public speaking is very easy."-- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." -- Vice President Dan Quayle

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Vice President Dan Quayle

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots
and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is
to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having
it."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

"Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --
Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." -- Vice President Dan
Quayle, 9/5/90

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our
children."-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan
Quayle may or may not make."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on
the mistakes we may or may not have made."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."-- Vice President Dan Quayle

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." -- Vice President Dan Quayle