Funny Play with Celebrity Names

Here are some possible married names:

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to
marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and
married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy
Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe
Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced
him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.

Nog (Related to Quark on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no
other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license.

If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog
Nog Hughes Dare.

If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack
Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp
Paar King.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married
Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody
Wood Peck Hur.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King
Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener
(mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been fired from his job. 

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. 

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. 

-It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts

 - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked them out. 

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. 

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. 

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. 

-When foreigners are alone, they all prefer to speak English to each other.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. 

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. 

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child. 

-Every time a person turns on the television to see the news, he instantly sees what he wants and what concerns him.

 

Quotes to think about

 

"People never say "it's only a game" when they are winning"-

"Only in America. . . do banks leave both doors open and then
chain the pen to the counter

"Only in America. . . do people order large fries, double
cheeseburgers, and a diet coke."


"How do they get that deer to cross the road at the yellow
sign?"

"If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with
"quit while you're ahead?"

"The early bird gets the worm, but the the second mouse gets the
cheese."

"If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her
friends?"

"I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they
gave me the axe."

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body."
"Never eat more than you can lift."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific."