PROSTITUTE OR CONSULTANT?

You work very odd hours. 

You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money. 

You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room. 

You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price. 

You are not proud of what you do. 

Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded. 

It's difficult to have a family. 

You have no job satisfaction. 

If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client. 

You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.

· People ask you what you do and you can't explain it. 

Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you
attend). 

Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with
only other professionals. 

Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate. 

Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for themoney. 

Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs. 

Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the
pain of it all. 

You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is
foolish enough to pay it's not your problem. 

When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like  hell (compare your appearance on Monday A.M. to Friday P.M.). 

You are rated on your performance in an excruciating ordeal. 

Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling. 

The client always thinks your cut of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you. 

When you deduct your take from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you
could get a better deal with another pimp. 

Everyday you wake up and tell yourself you're not going to be doing this stuff
for the rest of your life.

 

Are You Ready For The Working World?Are You Ready

This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are
qualified to be a professional. 

There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just
need to think like a professional.

1.How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

2.How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3.The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except
one. Which animal does not attend?

4.There is a river filled with crocodiles. How do you cross it?

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. 

Answers

1.Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and closes the door. This question
tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.

2.Open the refrigerator remove the giraffe and put in the elephant and close
the door. This question tests your foresight.

3.The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. Okay, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4.Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!
This question tests your reasoning ability. If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a trueprofessional.  Wealth and success await you. If you answered three out of fouryou have some catching up to do but there's hope for you. If you answered twoout of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint. If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money. If you answered none correctly, consider a careerthat does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as law or politics.

 

Advertising Campaigns Gone Bad

1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" promptedthem to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention theSpanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

2. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as
"Suffer from diarrhea".

3. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".

4. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to
find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the
manure stick".

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned
that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside,
since many people can't read.

6. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
notorious porno magazine.

7. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market
which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the
shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

10. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a
chicken affectionate".

11. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposedto have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, thecompany thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".

Sign of The Times

In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to
see the manager.

In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with
child.

In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.

In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses, no waiting.

On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices
and workmanship.

On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now available in
multi-packs.

In an appliance store window: Don't kill your wife. Let ourwashing machines do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.

In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.

In a men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits -- $100.00 they won't last an
hour!

On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.

In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No End.

In the window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you cancome right here?

In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11AM to 11PM Midnight.

On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.

On a movie marquee: Now playing ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!

In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please
see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from
any but their own graves.

On a roller coaster: Watch your head.

On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission.

In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.

On a Tennessee highway: Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road
is impassable.

In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to
wash your car.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass
container.

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.