FORMULAS FOR HAPPINESS, GOOD FRIENDS,LIFE AND INTERNET OPTIONS

In the smoking-car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject.

"Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life.

No effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner - a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then ... "

The old geezer was suddenly interrupted by the sarcastic stranger in the corner, "Excuse me, sir, but what were you in prison for??"

WHAT A FRIENDS ARE FOR (PART 2)

If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. If you remember my name, you pay me a subtle compliment; you indicate that I have made an impression on you. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance
-- Dale Carnegie

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
-- Ed Cunningham

Plant a seed of friendship; reap a bouquet of happiness.
-- Lois L. Kaufman

Yes, we must ever be friends; and of all who offer you friendship let me be ever the first, the truest, the nearest and dearest!
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.
-- Francois Mauriac

A friend is someone who, upon seeing another friend in immense pain, Would rather be the one experiencing the pain, Than to have to watch their friend suffer.
-- Amanda Gier

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
-- Chinese Proverb

A friend to everybody and to nobody is the same thing.
-- Spanish Proverb

That's free enterprise, friends: freedom to gamble, freedom to lose. And the great thing -- the truly democratic thing about it -- is that you don't even have to be a player to lose.
-- Barbara Ehrenreich

Our friends don't see our faults, or conceal them, or soften them.
-- Joseph Addison

Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.
-- Lewis Mumford

It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
-- John Leonard

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
-- Mark Twain

Call a truce, then, to our labors -- let us feast with friends and neighbors, and be merry as the custom of our caste; for if ''faint and forced the laughter,'' and if sadness follow after, we are richer by one mocking Christmas past.
-- Rudyard Kipling

A friend is a present you give to yourself.
-- Robert Louis Stevenson

Given the choice of friendship or success, I'd probably choose success.
-- Sting

The book is closed, the year is done, The pages full of tasks begun. A little joy, a little care, Along with dreams, are written there. This new day brings another year, Renewing hope, dispelling fear. And we may find before the end, A deep content, another friend.
-- Arch Ward

As virtuous men pass mildly away, and whisper to their souls to go, whilst some of their sad friends do say, the breath goes now, and some say no.
-- John Donne

There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.
-- Mark Twain

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.
-- Francesco Guicciardini

From quiet homes and first beginning,
Out to the undiscovered ends,
There's nothing worth the wear of winning,
But laughter and the love of friends.
-- Hilaire Belloc

So you wish to conquer in the Olympic games, my friend? And I too, by the Gods, and a fine thing it would be! But first mark the conditions and the consequences, and then set to work. You will have to put yourself under discipline; to eat by rule, to avoid cakes and sweetmeats; to take exercise at the appointed hour whether you like it or no, in cold and heat; to abstain from cold drinks and from wine at your will; in a word, to give yourself over to the trainer as to a physician. Then in the conflict itself you are likely enough to dislocate your wrist or twist your ankle, to swallow a great deal of dust, or to be severely thrashed, and, after all these things, to be defeated.
-- Epictetus

To the query, ''What is a friend?'' his reply was ''A single soul dwelling in two bodies.''
-- Aristotle

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate now knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
-- Henri Nouwen

In my friend, I find a second self.
-- Isabel Norton

The final test for a novel will be our affection for it, as it is the test of our friends, and of anything else which we cannot define.
-- Edward M. Forster

The only sensible ends of literature are, first, the pleasurable toil of writing; second, the gratification of one's family and friends; and lastly, the solid cash.
-- Nathaniel Hawthorne

Often we have no time for our friends but all the time in the world for our enemies.
-- Leon Uris

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
-- Ambrose Bierce

Friends Are Treasures
-- Horace Bruns

How often we find ourselves turning our backs on our actual friends, that we may go and meet their ideal cousins.
-- Source Unknown

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
-- Dame Edna Everage

I can tell you, honest friend, what to believe: believe life; it teaches better that book or orator.
-- Johann Von Goethe

WHAT A FRIENDS ARE FOR (PART 1)

A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
-- Proverb

Sometimes just a smile on our face,
Can help to make this world a better place.
Stand up for the things that are right.
Try to talk things out instead of fight.
Lend a hand when you can, get involved this is good.
You can help to make a difference in your neighbourhood.
-- Robert Alan

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth.
-- Robert Southey

The road to a friends house is never too long.
-- Danish Proverb

The ideal friendship is to feel as one while remaining two.
-- Anne Sophie Swetchine

Dont walk in front of me, I may not follow; don�t walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and be my friend.
-- Albert Camus

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.
-- Source Unknown

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.
-- Jaime H. Young

No woman/man is worth your tears and the only one who is, will never make you cry.
-- Source Unknown

If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them.
-- Source Unknown

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
-- Source Unknown

The greatest sweetener of human life is Friendship. To raise this to the highest pitch of enjoyment, is a secret which but few discover.
-- Joseph Addison

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
-- Source Unknown

A friend drops their plans when you're in trouble, shares joy in your accomplishments, feels sad when you're in pain. A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice--but when you don't follow it, they still respect and love you.
-- Doris Wild Helmering

Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.
-- Yasser Arafat

The heart may think it knows better: the senses know that absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends. The friend becomes a traitor by breaking, however unwillingly or sadly, out of our own zone: a hard judgment is passed on him, for all the pleas of the heart.
-- Elizabeth Bowen

I have a friend who tells a tale With statements parenthetical; To start at the beginning must To her seem quite heretical; For her accounts of happenings Are full of disconnection s; She starts them in the middle, And proceeds in all directions.
-- Erica H. Stux

I'm always there to tell people that their life is not that bad. I wish it was easy to follow that advice It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.
-- Mignon McLaughlin

There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.
-- Martin Luther

There is nothing more noble or admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends. Homer, Odyssey
-- Odyssey Homer

You must go to bed with friends or whores, where money makes up the difference in beauty or desire.
-- W. H. Auden

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.
-- Henry David Thoreau

Little friends may prove great friends.
-- Aesop

We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love.
-- Mother Teresa

LIFE LESSONS

We are the people our parents warned us about.
-- Jimmy Buffett

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others.
-- Groucho Marx

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
-- Source Unknown

USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-- Dave Letterman

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
-- Dennis Miller

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-- Albert Einstein

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain

A good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on.
-- G. C. Lichtenberg

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
-- Mark Twain

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
-- Groucho Marx

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
-- Charles Shulz

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
-- Ambrose Bierce

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.
-- Oscar Wilde

Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
-- Claudette Colbert

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-- Flip Wilson

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
-- Mark Twain

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
-- Source Unknown

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
-- Groucho Marx

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.
-- Mark Twain

He has not a single redeeming defect.
-- Benjamin Disraeli

WHAT SOME PEOPLE THINK ??

(PART 3)

• Have you noticed that there is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
• And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
• And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
• Quicksand only works slowly.
• If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• Barking: Thought to be named after the London suburb, home to a former asylum site; hence 'Barking mad'.
• Binge: A bout of uncontrolled indulgence.
• Blighty: A word much loved by RAF types in WW2.  Originally from the Hindi word "bilayati" meaning foreign.
• Blimey: Could be shorthand for "God, blind me."
• Chum: A "chummy" used to be a chimney sweep's assistant.
• Cuppa: First used for tea by PG Wodehouse, the playwright.
• Dear: From an old English word, "deore", meaning "much loved."
• Grotty: Sixties Liverpool slang.
• Jolly: From an old French word meaning "festive".
• Slag: Derived from a 16th century German word meaning "dross".

AND ONE JOKE

DIVORCE vs. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up tothe pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can'tgive you cyanide to killyour husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throwboth of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CAN NOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said,

"You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

WHAT SOME PEOPLE THINK ??

(PART 2)

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back!
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila (Diet Coke).
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  Have a great day or pretend to!

WHAT SOME PEOPLE THINK ??

(PART 1)

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way; so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it's still on the list.
• Light travels faster than sound; this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but they have to check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A FEW NICE JOKES FOR TODAY

As US tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," Morris replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he said.... "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

Morris looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked "Morris what took you so long to answer?

Morris replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

"Hi, is Hank home?" he asks.

"No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies.

"Would you mind if I wait?" he asks.

"No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says.

They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and lets him see one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit a while longer and Ben says, "They really are so beautiful. I just have to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see both of them together."

Laura thinks about it and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and gives Ben a nice long look. He thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table and says, "I really can't wait any longer. Please tell Hank I stopped by," and leaves.

A short while later, Hank arrives home and Laura greets him at the door. "Your friend Ben stopped by to see you," she says.

Hanks thinks for a moment and asks, "Did he happen to drop off the two hundred bucks he owes me?"

A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice.

Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw.

Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?"

Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do!"

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.  She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!  As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered "Call for backup."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied: "They couldn't get a babysitter."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing!

Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.

LET’S TALK ABOUT MONEY !!!!

(PART 3)

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

***

I have always said that if I were a rich man, I would employ a professional praiser.

***

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

***

Poets, we know, are terribly sensitive people, and in my observation one of the things they are most sensitive about is money.

***

You can't tell a millionaire's son from a billionaire's.

***

I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.

***

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

***

I'm so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn't understand, she had to explain: 'That's like three Mercedes.' Then I understood.

***

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.
 

***

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

***

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

***

Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's write a swimming pool.'

***

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with America's cities that money can't cure.

***

The most popular labor-saving device is still money.

***

Money costs too much.

***

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn't be enough to go around.

***

If you see a bandwagon, it's too late.

***

My present post amounts to about 700 thaler, and when there are rather more funerals than usual, the fees rise in proportion; but when a healthy wind blows, they fall accordingly...

***

Love lasteth as long as the money endureth.

***

I made my money the old fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.

***

I don't even get an allowance. (at age 10)

***

Our incomes are like our shoes; if too small, they gall and pinch us; but if too large, they cause us to stumble and to trip.

***

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

***

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

***

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

***

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.

***

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
 

TOMORROW NEW STORIES STAY TUNED

LET’S TALK ABOUT MONEY !!!!

(PART 2)

I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day.

***

I love to go to Washington, if only to be nearer my money.

***

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

***

It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.

***

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

***

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

***

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

***

When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.

***

It isn't enough for you to love money— it's also necessary that money should love you.

***

To be clever enough to get all the money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

***

When a man's stomach is full it makes no difference whether he is rich or poor.

***

A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich.

***

I make a lot of money, but I don't want to talk about that. I work very hard and I'm worth every cent.

***

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions - he had money, too.

***

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

***

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it. (on junk bonds)

***

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

***

I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.

***

Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.

***

There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.

***

You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.

***

Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!

***

A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.'

***

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company: I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

***

Pound notes are the best religion in the world.

***

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

***

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

***