LIFE
LESSONS
We are the people our
parents warned us about.
Those are my principles,
and if you don't like them...well, I have others.
The nice part of living
in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently,
three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population.
You know there is a
problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only
one begins with an R.
Insanity: doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Hain't we got all the
fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
A good metaphor is
something even the police should keep an eye on.
I admire the serene
assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the
calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Although it is generally
known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
I know the answer! The
answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm
in the wrong building.
Convent. A place of
retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
I adore political
parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.
Plagiarists at least
have the quality of preservation.
I believe in equality
for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
Why do grandparents and
grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
If you think nobody
cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I know all those people.
I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
A little girl at the
wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you
mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and
came back with another.
If I held you any closer
I would be on the other side of you.
The trouble with the
world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things
that ain't so.
He has not a single
redeeming defect.
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