Things you should know

.

There are more than twenty sheep for every person living in New-Zealand

The Swiss eat more cheese per head of population than any other nations

Ice-cream was invented in 1620

There is a place in Norway called Hell. (1 ticket for Hell please,first class)

Cats cannnot taste sweet food 

When flies take off, they jump backwards 

Blond people have more hair on their head than dark-haired people

There are more than 28000000 cats in the USA

No piece of paper can be folded in half more then 7 times.

Men building the tomb of Ramseses III in the twelfth century BC
wenton strike for higher pay

Incas used to eat guinea-pigs

At Chrismas 1969 black snow fell in Sweden (1969, turn the 9 upside down = 666)

Mary, Queen of Scots, was said te be a skilful billiards player

Warm water freezes more quickly than cold water

Napoleon was afraid of cats (Lucky he didn't go to the USA)

In 1820, a man sold his wife in the cattle market for 25p (wouldn't you wish you could do that?)

Los Angeles contains more cars then people

There are about 1000 diffrent words for camel in Arabic 

Snails can sleep for 3 years without waking up 

Male monkeys sometimes go bald, just like men do (hehehe!)

The Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator

The sea-urchin walks on the tips of its teeth

A spider's web applied to a bleeding wound helps the blood to clot (NOT the spider, the web!)

 

English to Chinese Translation!

ENGLISH PHRASE-----------CHINESE TRANSLATION

Are you harboring a fugitive?---Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P.------------ Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man-----------------Dum Gai

Small Horse----------------Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high!!--------No Bai Dam Thing!!

Did you go to the beach?------Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table---Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift-----Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here---------Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed?---Hao Long Wei Ting?

An unauthorized execution------Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet----Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone------- No Pah King

You are not very bright--------Yu So Dum

I got this for free------------Ai No Pei

I am not guilty---------------Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer----Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled next week-- Wai Yu Kum Nao

They have arrived------------Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight-------------Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile-----Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive------Hu Man Go!

Pew! does this bathroom stink!----Hu Flung Dung?

Top 11 signs you watch too much TV

11) You end telephone conversations with the phrase, "You are
the weakest link. Goodbye!"
10) You wonder why the people at TV guide have never won the
Pulitzer Prize.
9) Your lifelong dream is to say "Live from New York, its
Saturday Night!!"
8) You keep wooden stakes and garlic handy in case Buffy ever
needs your help.
7) Every time someone angers you, you threaten to "vote them off
the island" the next chance you get.
6) You wonder if the dog from "Frasier" will ever be as big as
Lassie.
5) You write angry letters in Klingon to the producers of Star
Trek wondering why the hell Seven of Nine doesn't get more face
time.
4) You wonder if today is the day the coyote finally catches the
roadrunner.
3) You end every conversation with "And that's the bottom line,
cause (insert your name here) said so."
2) You honestly believe that you can pass medical school based
solely on your knowledge from watching "ER".
and the number one reason you know you've been watching too much
TV...
1) Every time someone answers one of your questions, you ask,
"Is that your final answer?"

 

What I Learned From Horror Movies

.

If you ever find yourself in a horror movie situation.....always
remember this.
1. If you say "I'll be right right back".......you're not coming
back.
2. If you decide to sit in a the chair in the middle of a old
dreary cob-webbed room, and the door closes behind you.... it's
not the wind...and you might as well sit in that chair, put your
head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.
3. If your not famous you might as well commit suicide.
4. The person you hate most will always be the one your stuck
with in that life-or-death situation.
5. If you make a new friend your will be the one to ethier find
their mutalated body or see them being killed, while your
helplessly tied to the table.
6. Black dudes alway die first.
7. When the mood of the music changes, RUN LIKE HELL!!!
8. Never, under any cercumstances go to the
BASEMENT.......Hello, darkness, boxes, pipes.........Where is
the first place your killers gonna hide????
9. If you suspect your husband or boyfriend is the killer, but
your best friend tells you your crazy.....she's wrong, he is the
killer and you're next...........DUMP HIS ASS!!! There are other
fish in the sea.
10. The person you least expect weather they stutter, are
small,"too" young, or act timid......they are the killer,
specially the retarded younger brother or sister.
11. When you are being chased in your house by the killer, and
you have two options....the door outside or upstairs.....please,
for god-sake don't go upstairs.
12. If there is a killer in your dreams that has a burnt face
and knives for hands, it's time to buy coffee.....I mean come
on, haven't you seen Freddy Kruger!
13. Attacks by your killers are always after watching a horror
movie.
14. There is always someone in the house that is killed before
you are, then you find them, scream, and run straight into the
killer......SMART ONE!!
15. If you get a phone call, telling you to check
outside.......why bother???? They've already found a way in.
16. if you get an anonomous call from someone breathing
heavily....no, it's not your kid brother playing tricks.....and
it doesn't help to try to call the police cause just as they
pick up, the phone will go dead.......and they will come and
find you mutillated in the living room.
17. If your companions walk out of the room to get something,
you better get out of that damn house, forget them their long
gone.
18.The idea of safety in numbers, does not, I repeat DOES NOT
apply here......eventualy one of you will have to go to the
bathroom.
19. Screaming won't help.......usually your in the middle of the
woods in a small town.
20. When check noices......bring some kind of a
weapon.........no matter how old the house is, or how hard the
winds blowing....Noices don't just happen.

 

Things to Do at a Boring Movie

1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
6. Start wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have some
Juiji Fruits for you asthma.
7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls' bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going to happen.
12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrhea and wink while smiling.
13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman!
Hahaha!" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friend
already is.
16. Yell out loud, "Stop molesting me!"
17. Gently, very softly, place a single pooped kernel of corn on the head
of the person in front of you.
18. Scream out, "Hey, this isn't Bambi!"
19. Stare at the person sitting across the aisle from you, then quickley
look back at the screen when they notice, then stare at them again when
they turn back to the screen.
20. See if you can get a moistened Jujy Fruit to stick to the screen.
21. Yell to the projectionist, "Can you pause it? I gotta pee!"

 

Top Ten Reasons Star Wars Is Better Than Star Trek

10. "Look sir, droids!"
9. No time travlers picking up their own heads.
8. No alternate universes.
7. No transporters to save your butt at the last minute.
6. Aliens with makeup somewhere besides their foreheads.
5. Starship battles in 3 dimensions.
4. War, not neutral zones!
3. No ultra-powerful aliens with one-letter names.
2. No holodecks for lame plot ideas invented by actors.
1. Princess Leia in that slave girl outfit at Jabba's!

HOT & COLD

YOU KNOW IT'S HOT WHEN...

* You keep spare bottles of freon in your car.

* You buy sun block by the case.

* You start bonding with your air conditioner.

* Your electric bill is higher than your house payments.

* You start putting ice cubes in your water bed.

* You start buying stock in Gatorade.

* You keep your refrigerator open just to feel the cool air.

* You keep humming the song heat wave to your self.

* You cancel your Hotmail account because you didn't like the name of it.

* You get a life long pass to White Water.

* Your dream house is any house in Alaska.

* Your not even sure how hot it is because your heat thermometer only goes up to 120.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first---it wet the bed.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YOU KNOW IT'S COLD (In New York) WHEN...

* People buying hot roasted chestnuts to put in their pants.

* Dan and Connie doing the news huddled together in a sleeping bag.

* Mob corpses seen skidding across the East River.

* Times Square strip clubs advertising "Live Heavily-Dressed Girls!"

* Mario Cuomo making a fortune shoveling walks.

* Vendors selling down-filled hot dogs.  

This morning, Triple-A had to jumpstart Andrew Giuliani.

• 
  * People coming into Ed Sullivan Theater just to get warm.
  
  *Instead of the finger, New Yorkers giving each other the mitten.
  
  * Cabbies wearing flannel turbans.
  
  
  
  COLD WEATHER
  Degrees (Fahrenheit)/Activity
  
  

60
Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

50
Miami residents turn on the heat

45
Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

40
You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming

35
Italian cars don't start

32
Water freezes

30
You plan your vacation to Australia

25
Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming

20
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South

15
French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10You need jumper cables to get the car going

5
American cars don't start

0
Alaskans put on T-shirts

-10
German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist

-20
Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start

-25
Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30
You plan a two week hot bath
Swedish cars don't start

-40
Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50
Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80
Hell freezes over
Polar bears move South
Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game

-90
Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets

IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR HOBBY SEE BELOW SOME OF MY SUGGESTIONS

Many people hoard old, used or useless possessions. Some of these people collect anthologies; compile lists; stockpile belongings; or just simply collect articles. We all know philatelists [stamp collectors] or friends who collect such items as bottle caps [tops]. I have set out to find out some of the stranger, perhaps trivial and often amusing items that are collected throughout the world.

·        Imelda Marcos has class; I believe she had over 3000 pairs of shoes.

·     What led me to do this article is that I read a report by the journalist, Simon Hoggart in The Guardian in which he mentioned that he knew a man in New Zealand who collected airline sickness bags, now that is weird and we can only hope they are empty.

·      A man called Jesse S. James, from Maywood California; USA has collected barbed wire since 1957. He displays his specimens on panels, has catalogued them and even written a book about them. It is a collector's item itself but I am led to believe it is out of print.

·    Even stranger is Ed Haberman of Tama, Iowa; USA who collects used oil rags. He has done this since the 1950's and has a collection totalling more than 13,000, which he has washed and stored carefully in his home. Sad to report his love of oily rags is not shared by Mrs Haberman. Are you surprised?

·     Becky Martz collects.........wait for it banana and asparagus labels and broccoli bands. She has over 5000 banana labels.

·        Marcelo Strauch from Buenos Aires, Argentina has a vast collection of tea bags from all over the world.

·        Petr Hlousek from the Czech Republic collects labels from rum bottles and he has amassed 6383 labels from 97 different countries. Fascinatingly he has 304 unopened bottles and I am thinking of going to visit him.

·        In the 1940's and 50's my mother used a mangle that was kept in the outside conservatory, this she used for wringing out wet clothing after washing. Amazingly, there's a man in Adelaide, Australia who has a collection of these mangles some of which date back to the 1800's.

·   Barber Alan Moore of 30 years standing in his shop in West Street, Portchester, has a superb collection of shaving mugs.

·        Mr Frank C. Horwath who hails from Joliet, Illinois; USA has a collection of nails which he has amassed since he was 14 years old. He reputedly has more than 15,000 of all varieties from over 40 different countries. He has a rare nail from the Islamic shrine the Dome of the Rock and another from the home of W. Ellery who signed the Declaration of Independence.

·        Elizabeth Lowe, Middleton, Wisconsin; USA collects dreams. What? I hear you cry...yes dreams. Apparently each of us dreams some 1500 dreams each year so the fact that someone is assembling a collection should not be a surprise. M/s Lowe has a collection of some 2,500 dreams, which she has collected over 16 years. One of Lowe's favourite recurring dreams is her own. In it a miniature elephant frolics in her bathtub making a glorious mess.

·        The world record for a collection of tubes of toothpaste is shared between Carsten Gutzeit from Germany and Val Kolpakov, Davenport, USA. Both have over 1000 toothpastes from some 60 countries. Strange flavours include: dry champagne and whiskey.