The Future - As Seen In 1960
1. "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are,
it's going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."
2. "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when
$5000 will only buy a used one."
3. "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous."
4. "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging dime just to
mail a letter?"
5. "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon
it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."
6. "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
7. "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday
cost 30 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."
8. "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their
hair as long as the girls."
9. "Also, their music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing
is nothing but racket."
10. "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they
let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in Gone With The Wind, it seems every
movie has a 'hell' or 'damn' in it."
11. "Also, it won't be long until couples are sleeping in the same bed in
the movies. What is this world coming to?"
12. "Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently
there are no standards anymore."
13. "Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar."
14. "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows
they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."
15. "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be
making more than the president."
16. "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the
country?"
17. "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
18. "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet."
19. "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
20. "Marriage doesn't mean a thing anymore. Those Hollywood stars
seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
21. "I'll tell you one thing. If my kids ever talk back to me, they won't
be able to sit down for a week."
22. "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks
to their service?"
23. "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to
grow crops."
24. "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a
whole lot of foreign business."
25. "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people
to congress."
26. "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college?
Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor
or a lawyer."
27. "I just hate to see the young people smoking. As I tell my kids,
"Don't take a cigarette from ANYONE. You never know what might be in
it."
28. "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I
seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
29. "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha
anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
30. "Anymore, no one can afford to be sick, $35 a day in the hospital is
too rich for my blood."
31. "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country
that's fine, but nothing will ever replace trains."
32. "I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15
cents, I'll just have to drink mine at home."
33. "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it. I'll have
my wife learn to cut hair."
34. "We won't be going out much anymore. Our baby sitter informed us she
wants 50 cents an hour. These kids think money grows on trees."
35. "Cars which dim their lights by sensors, automatic transmissions, and
who knows what else? Pretty soon they will drive themselves."
Employee evaluations
Quotes taken from actual employee evaluations:
1.
"Since my last report, this employee has
reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2.
"I
would not allow this employee to breed."
3.
"This
associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't
be."
4.
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better."
Engineering Phrases (And what they really mean)
Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)
Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've screwed up again.)
The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's completely hopeless.)
We're trying a number of different approaches. (We're still guessing, at this point.)
Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.)
Years of development. (It finally worked.)
Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.)
We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.)
We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks high tech.)
We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a couple of kids out of college.)
Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when we flipped the switch.)
Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yahoo! It actually worked.)
Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.)
No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.)
Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're not likely able to fix it.)
All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.)
Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.)
Robust. (More than rugged.)
Light weight. (A little less than rugged.)
Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)
