RULES OF LIFE

•    I can only please one person each day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow is not looking good either.
•    Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
•    Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
•    You can go anywhere you want if you look serious, wear a white coat and carry a clipboard.
•    I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
•    Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
•    I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
•    My reality check bounced.
•    On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
•    I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
•    Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.
•    Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
                         
                               USEFUL ADVICES

•    As I've Matured... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
•    I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
•    I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
•    I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
•    I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more screwed up than you think.
•    I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
•    I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
•    I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
•    I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
•    I've learned that ex's are like fungus, which keeps coming back.
•    I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
•    I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
•    I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
•    Finally, I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy it!