Funny Quotes and Sayings ( 2st part )

At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment.- Benjamin Franklin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.- George Carlin
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.- Mel Brooks
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend! - Spaceballs (1987)
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.- Tom Lehrer
 

 Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.- Will Rogers
 

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schultz' Peanuts cartoon
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.- Oscar Wilde
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot
Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does.- Jane Austen
By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.- Oscar Wilde
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.- Ogden Nash
Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.- Yasser Arafat
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me afour-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.- Duck Soup (1933)
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.- Mark Twain
 

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. - H. L. Mencken
 

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.- Peter Ustinov
Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."- Spy Hard (1996)
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.- Isaac Asimov
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it. You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- Zorba the Greek (1964)
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.- Oscar Wilde
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.- Will Rogers
Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.- Mae West
Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!- The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.- Chinese Proverb
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.- Mark Twain
 

Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?- Oscar Hammerstein II (Cinderella)
 

Don't expect me to get excited over another damn thing we need to find.- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
DON'T get officious. You're not yourself when you're officious - That is the curse of agovernment job. - Harold and Maude (1971)
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. - Mark Twain
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.- Mark Twain
Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.- Mae West
Don't threaten me with a dead fish.- Withnail & I (1987)
Don't underestimate your abilities, that's your boss's job.- Anonymous
Don't worry about that chair with a hole in the middle. It's merely waiting to be reupholstered. - Casino Royale (1966)
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack, is the capacity.- Shrek 2 (2004)

Funny Political One-Liners

•    In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes. Mogens Jallberg
•    The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. Larry Hardiman
•    'In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.'  Thomas Pickering

•    'Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.' Ronald Reagan
•    'The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it'. Ronald Reagan 

•    'I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting'. Ronald Reagan

  •    Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.Gore Vidal
•    'Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it wrongly, and applying unsuitable remedies'. Sir Ernest Benn
•    'In politics, absurdity is not a handicap'. Napoleon Bonaparte.
•    On my arrival in the United States I was struck by the degree of ability among the governed and the lack of it among the governing.'Alexis de Toqueville
•    'Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy'. Ernest Benn
•    'Politics makes strange bedfellows rich'. Wayne Haisley
•    'You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.' Joseph Levine
•    Don't vote. You'll only encourage them.Anon
•    'Although he is regularly asked to do so, God does not take sides in American politics.'
George Mitchell.  

 

 •    A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. Mark Twain

 

  •    Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. Kin Hubbard
•    When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.  PJ O'Rourke
•    Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.Will Rogers

Wise Quotes

Here is our collection of wise quotes from the famous.  Every occasion will benefit from at least one of these pearls of wisdom.

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. 
Bruce Grocott 
 
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it.
Lee Iacocca

An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
Henry Ford

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Will Rogers

I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
John D. Rockefeller

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. -
Albert Einstein 

 
There are no wise few.  Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.
GK Chesterton

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
Bernard Bailey

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
Mary Wilson Little

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it.
Malcolm Forbes

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
Baltasar Gracian

 



Friends are far more dangerous than enemies, they know everything about you and will not pause to use it against you.
Terra Castle

Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
Sir William Osler

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
Sir Francis Bacon

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric offer

 

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.
Abraham Lincoln