20 Ways to Tick Off Teachers

.

1. (If it's a male teacher) Call him Mr. Dude with a sarcastic
tone in your voice loud enough for the whole class to hear.
2. Ignore the teacher when they call on you.
3. If your text book is talking about a movie familiar to you,
hum the theme song.
4. Fold paper air planes, and when the teacher bends over...(you
know how the rest goes...)
5. Say the dumbest, most idiotic, answer you can think of.
6. If your teacher will not let you go to the bathroom, let
yourself out.
7. Forge your parents signature on something, and when the
teacher comes to you, say, "I got my sloppy hand writing from my
dad, see?"
8. Continuously drop something on the floor.
9. Find a way to get sat out in the hall, and continuously walk
in and say, "I forgot my pencil!" and use a different excuse
every time.
10. Fall out of your chair five or six times.
11. Bang your head on your desk.
12. Smash your face inside your book and when your teacher says
something, go, "Huh?"
13. Staple tissues together and put them back in the box.
14. Run into walls and act retarded.
15. Yell out your classroom window, "She's poisoning us, help!"
16. Make fun of your teacher's age.
17. Do the opposite of what she says.
18. Roll your pencil around on your desk.
19. Write on your desk.
20. Call your teacher a white haired witch.

 

Little Johnny List

Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!
-------------------------
Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Little Johnny: No, I'm Little Johnny.
-------------------------
Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one
day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.
-------------------------
Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Little Johnny: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you
didn't have to keep yours.
-------------------------
Little Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I
didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Little Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
-------------------------
Teacher: Why are you late?
Little Johnny: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Little Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
That's what I did.
-------------------------
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
Little Johnny: I hope you didn't either.
-------------------------
Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your
son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
-------------------------
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Little Johnny: I is...
Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am."
Little Johnny: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

Corporate Lessons

Lesson Number One:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the Rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up. 

*************************

Lesson Number Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't
got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there. 

*************************

Lesson Number Three:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold,
the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it
was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As
the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

Is It Time to go Home

1. Your 'Imbruglia' hairdo has turned into a 'Bronwyn Bishop' .... and you've stopped caring.

2. You have absolutely no idea where you're shoes are.

3. The "Chicken Dance Song" seems like a really good tune.

4. You mistake a police car from a cab and shout obscenities when it doesn't stop for you.

5. You've started having a row with yourself. Out loud.

6. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies loo because you tried twice and ended up on the floor on your bum.....And it was wet.

7. You bump into people on their way to work.

8. You keep dancing into people and you've fallen off the podium - twice.

9. They've stacked all the chairs and turned the lights on.

10. You've been flashing your boobs at passers by.

11. Creme De Menthe, Advocaat or Grenadine suddenly seem to be viable drink options.

12. You start crying.

13. You can't stop.

14. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.

15. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.

16. The man you're pashing used to be your 5th grade teacher.

17. The urge to take all your clothes off, stand on a table and sing "Fever" become strangely overwhelming.

18. You've forgotten where you live.

19. You seem to be seeing more of the toilet bowl than the dance floor.

20. You've just sung "I'm horny, horny horny horny ..." to a passing police man.

21. You notice that there's vomit on your dress and suspect that it's yours.

22. You've started to sound like Tommy Raudonikis from the 60 fags you've smoked.

23. You keep missing your mouth with your drink.

24. You can't taste the gin in your gin and tonic.

25. You think you're in bed but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.

26. You tell your worst enemy that you've always loved her really.

27. The stairs take on the appearance of that really really really steep slippery dip at Luna Park.

28. You've started offering 'oral pleasure' to any male who'll listen.

29. You start every conversation with, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

30. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.

31. You challenge the doorman to an arm wrestling competition.

32. You have to be restrained from 'stage-diving' from the top of the stairs.

33. You're sitting on the floor. On your own.

34. You show your mates that girls can wee standing up if they really want to.

35. You decide to audition for 'StarSearch' via the security cameras.

36. You rediscover your childhood gymnastic skills. On Hay Street.

37. You realise why you gave up gymnastics.

38. You think three blokes are chatting you up when there's actually only one.

39. You drop your 3am burger on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.

40. The entire club has seen your pants. Twice

41. Most of them against their will.

42. You can't see you own face to reapply your long gone make-up. And you have profoundly discovered that your mascara tastes like chicken.