funny Bumperstickers for your car

• "All generalizations are false."
• "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
• "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
• "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" (Supposedly seen outside a Chinese restaurant... I suppose that Item #2 was labeled as 'sweet and sour tabby')
• "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
• "Forget the Joneses, I keep up with the Simpsons."
• "Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"
• "Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
• "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
• "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
• "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
• "Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."
• "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"
• "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
• "All men are Idiots, and I married their King!"
• "SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver"
• "Work is for people who don't know how to fish"
• "Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
• "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
• "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
• "If you don't like the news, go out and make some." (No doubt popular with Post Office employees)
• "I Brake For No Apparent Reason." (That's a popular one down here in FL and can usually seen on a car in the extreme left lane traveling at 45 mph)
• "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
• "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
• "Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
• "No Radio - Already Stolen" (in the Heathen Northeast they say that 'BMW' stands fro Break My Window')
• "Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."
• "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
• "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
• "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
• "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
• "Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!"
• "Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"
• "Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist."
• "IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "
• "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
• "LOVE: two vowels, two consonants, two fools."
• "According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
• "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill."
• "Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
• "A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
• "Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal ! "
• "Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
• "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
• "We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
• "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
• "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
• "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
• "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
• "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder..."
• "There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
• "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
• "Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog.-Dorothy."
• "I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"
• A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious
• No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
• A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House
• If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
• A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
• Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out
• Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
• Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives
• My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
• "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
• "I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
• "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
• "Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
• "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
• "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
• "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
• "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
• "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
• "Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
• "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
• "Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
• "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
• "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
• "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
• "Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
• "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
• "When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
• "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
• "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
• "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
• "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
• "Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
• "Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
• "Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
• "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
• "We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
• "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
• "He who laughs last thinks slowest."
• "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
• "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
• "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
• "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
• "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
• "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
• "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
• "3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
• "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
• "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
• "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
• "2 + 2 =3D 5 for extremely large values of 2."
• "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
• "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "
• Clones are people two.
• Entropy isn't what it used to be.
• Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
• Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
• Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!
• A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
• A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
• Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
• COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Editing is a rewording activity.
• Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
• Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
• Help stamp out, delete, and eradicate superfluous redundancy.
• I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
• My reality check just bounced.
• Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
• Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
• No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
• Boycott shampoo!!! Demand REAL poo!
• My other wife is beautiful.

Funniest One Liners

·        Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

·        Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

·        Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

·        I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

·        I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

·        I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

·        I intend to live forever - so far, so good

·        I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

·        If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

·        If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

·        Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

·        Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

·        Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

·        Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

·        The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

·        When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

·        Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

·        Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

·        If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

·        24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

·        If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

·        Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

·        Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

·        Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

·        Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

·        What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

·        Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

·        Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

·        Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

·        Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

·        Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

·        Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

·        For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

·        Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

·        Black holes are where God divided by zero.

·        All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

·        I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

As i Seen On Bumpers

* "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

* "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

* "All generalizations are false."

* "As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."

* "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

* "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"

* "Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep."

* "Montana -- At least our cows are sane!"

* "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."

* "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

* "Friends don't let friends drive naked."

* "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

* "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

* "According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

* "A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

* "Forget about world peace. . . Visualize using your turn signal!"

* "Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."

* "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

* "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

* "He who laughs last thinks slowest."

* "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

* "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

* "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

* "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

* "Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy."

* "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

* "We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

* "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

* "Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."

* "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

* "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

* "I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "

* "Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas - Taking the dog. --Dorothy."

* "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."

* "I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?"