Seminars for Females/Males
.
Seminars for Females (Prepared
and presented by Males)
1. Elementary map reading
2. Crying and law enforcement
3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR
4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours
5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast.
6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since
puberty-deal with it.")
7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions
8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights
9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed
10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water
11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament
12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I
love you")
13. How to earn your own money
14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics
good")
15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side
16. Beyond "Clean and Dirty" - The nuances of wearable laundry
17. Yes, you can fill up at a self service station
18. Joys of the remote control; Reaping the benefits of 50 channels
19. What comes around, goes around: Why his credit card is not a toy
20. His best friend can be yours too
21. His poker games: Deal yourself out
22. Commitment Schmittment (Formerly titled, "Wedlock Schmedlock")
23. To honor and obey: Remembering the small print above "I do"
24. Why your mother is unwelcome in the house
25. Your mate: selfish bastard, or victimized sensitive man?
Seminars For Males (Prepared and
Presented by Females)
1. Combatting stupidity
2. You too can do housework
3. PMS: Learn when to keep your mouth shut
4. How to fill an ice tray
5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas: give us money
6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4am
7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled, "Don't wash my
silks")
8. Parenting: It doesn't end with conception
9. Get a life; learn to cook
10. How not to act like a jackass when you're obviously wrong
11. Spelling: Even you can get it right
12. Understanding your financial incompetence
13. You: The weaker sex
14. Reasons to give flowers
15. How to stay awake in public
16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom
17. Garbage: Getting it to the curb
18. You can fall asleep without it if you really try
19. The morning dilemma if IT is awake: Take a shower
20. I'll wear it if I damn well please
21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly titled "No, it's not a
bidet")
22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms
23. Give me a break: Why we know your excuses are bull
24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost
25. The remote control: Overcoming your dependency
26. Romanticism: Ideas other than sex
27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes
28. Mothers-in-law: They are people too
29. Male bonding: Leaving your friends at home
30. You too can be a designated driver
31. Seeing the true you (formerly titled, "You don't look like Mel Gibson
when naked")
32. Changing your underwear: It really works
33. The attainable goal: removing "tits" from your vocabulary
34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulating is not necessary
35. Techniques for calling home before you leave work
Chesty Topic
Women with Big Tits...
..can get a taxi on the worst
days
..have a neat place to carry spare
change
..have always been the center of
the arts (art)
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while
laying in the tub
..have more negotiating power
(with men shorter than them)
..usually can find leftover
popcorn after a movie
..can always carry a little extra
..always float better
..know where to look first for
lost earrings
..rarely lack for a slow dance
partner
..have a place to set their
glasses when sitting in an armless recliner Women with Little Tits...
..don't cause a traffic accident
every time they bend over in public
..always look younger
..find that dribbled food makes
it to the napkin on their lap
..can always see their toes and
shoes
..can sleep on their stomachs
..have no trouble sliding behind
the wheel of small cars
..know that people can read the
entire message on their t-shirts
..know that everything more than
a handful is wasted
..can come late to a theater and
not disrupt an entire aisle
..can take aerobic class without
running the risk of knocking themselves out
Top 10 Reasons God Created
Eve!
10. God worried that Adam would
frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one
day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never
go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would,
therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never
be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never
be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew that if the world was
to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of
childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the
Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed
someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is
not good for man to be alone!"
And finally, the number ONE
reason that God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation
of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, "I can do better
than THAT!"
dear
folLowers, i will return with new post on 16th september
101 Things NOT to say during
Sex
1. But everybody looks funny
naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video
camera?
4. Do you smell something
burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And
they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your
nose.
7. A little rug burn never hurt
anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the
back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me
break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first
time..right?
Person 2: Yeah.. today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry
up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the
remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's turn
off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really
trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to
leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking
when I'm sober...
21. (holding a banana) It's just
a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie
channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up,
will ya!
24. (preparing to use peanut
butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my
teeth...
27. Smile, you're on Candid
Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to
the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment
of sexual fantasies!
31. (in a menage a trois) Why am
I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr.
Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling
needs painting?
34. I think you have it on
backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel
good?
36. Put that blender back in the
kitchen where it belongs!
37. You're good enough to do this
for a living!
38. Is that blood on the
headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my
pill?
40. Are you sure I don't know you
from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy
channel...
42. That leak better be from the
waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't work
without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on
that pillow..
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha
died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might
have more endurance...
47. No, really... I do this part
better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed with a
woman I don't have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a
few more people...
50. You're almost as good as my
ex!
51. Do you know the definition of
statutory rape?
52. That you I smell or is it
your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
53. You look younger than you
feel.
54. Perhaps you're just out of
practice.
55. You sweat more than a
galloping stallion!
56. They're not cracker crumbs,
it's just a rash.
57. Now I know why he/she dumped
you...
58. Does your husband own a
sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to
conclude that foreplay is overrated.
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever considered
liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn't even
have to buy you dinner!
63. What are you planning to make
for breakfast?
64. I have a confession...
65. I was so horny tonight I
would have taken a duck home!
66. Are those real or am I just
behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance
repressed as a child?
68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
69. You'll stil vote for me,
won't you?
70. Did I mention my transsexual
operation?
71. I really hate women who
actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I'll tell you who I'm
fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizingabout...
74. A good plastic surgeon can
take care of that in no time!
75. Does this count as a date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show
about men like you!
77. Hic! I need another beer for
this please
78. I think biting is romantic-
don't you?
79. Q: You can cook, too right?
A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
80. When would you like to meet
my parents?
81. Man: Maybe it would help if I
thought about someone I really like...
Woman: Yourself?
82. Have you seen "Fatal
Attraction"?
83. Sorry about the name tags,
I'm not very good with names.
84. Don't mind me.. I always file
my nails in bed.
85. (in a phone booth) Do you
mind if I make a few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn't forget to
turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
87. Don't worry, my dog's really
friendly for a Doberman.
88. Sorry but I don't do toes!
89. You could at least ACT like
you're enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no
petroleum jelly, I said NO!
91. Keep it down, my mother is a
light sleeper...
92. I'll bet you didn't know I
work for "The Enquirer".
93. So that's why they call you
MR. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to do
it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too?
96. I've slept with more women
than Wilt Chamberlain!
97. Hey, when is it going to be
my friend's turn?
98. Long kisses clog my
sinuses...
99. Please understand that I'm
only doing this for a raise...
100. How long do you plan to be
"almost there"?
101. You mean you're NOT my blind
date?
Marriage Jokes
Getting married is very much like
going to a continental
restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you
see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman
said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other
replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is
married. Then he is really
finished.
Marriage is an institution in
which a man loses his bachelor's
degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm
still paying for it."
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I
heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That
happens in most countries, son.
Then there was a man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; and then it was too late.
A happy marriage is a matter of
give and take; the husband gives
and the wife takes.
Three rings: Engagement ring,
Wedding ring, Suffering.
When a newly married man looks
happy we know why. But when a
ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the
woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both
speak and the neighbors listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to
her husband, "You know, I was a
fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear,
but I was in love and didn't notice it."
It doesn't matter how often a
married man changes his job, he
still ends up with the same boss.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the
classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his
car for his wife, you can be
sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A perfect wife is one who helps
the husband with the dishes.
A woman was telling her friend ,
"It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." Asked
the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
