ALWAYS Look on the Brighter Side of Life

·        Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

·        A day without sunshine is like, night.

·        On the other hand, you have different fingers.

·        I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

·        42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

·        99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

·        I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

·    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and then used  against you.

·        I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

·        Honk if you love peace and quiet.

·        Remember half the people you know are below average.

·        Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

·        Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

·        He who laughs last thinks slowest.

·        Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

·        Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

·        The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

·        I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

·        I intend to live forever - so far so good.

·        Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

·        Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

·        If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

·        Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

·        Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

·        The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

·        Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

·        When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

·        If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

·        A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

·        Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

·        For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

·        Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

·        Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

·        No one is listening until you make a mistake.

·        Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

·        The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

·        The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

·        The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

·        To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

·        To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

·        Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

·        You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

·        Two wrongs are only the beginning.

·        The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

·        The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

·        A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

·        Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

·        Get a new car for your spouse - it’ll be a great trade!

·        Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

·        Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

·        If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

·        How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...