Nationalities

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
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1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on TV
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
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1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You get to be really obese.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10a. When you're not.
10b. At all.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
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1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Proper beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events due to
your extensive experience
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
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1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
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1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty
7. One sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
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TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
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1. Chicken Madras
2. Lamb Passanda
3. Onion Bhaji
4. Bombay Potato
5. Chicken Tikka Masala
6. Rogan Josh
7. Popadoms
8. Chicken Dopiaza
9. Meat Boona
10. Kingfisher lager


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
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1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
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1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican
Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness in a pub that never closes.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
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1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge fuckoff shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
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1. Knowing your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years
because you think it belongs to you.
4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

 

Things your mom would never say

1.How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?

2.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

3.Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.

4.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

5.That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

6.Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

7.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

8.Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house
look bad.

9.Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

10.Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

Did You Know ( Part 2)

• The Jersey or walking stick cabbage has a stem as high as a man and can grow 16 feet tall.
• Kilts were invented by the Irish. The word "kilt" is, in fact, Danish.
• The human body burns about 60 calories an hour while asleep, 85 while eating and 130 sitting working at a computer.
• In a national anthem survey, 79% of Americans know the first line of the 'Star-Spangled Banner', but only 37% of Canadians know the first line to 'Oh, Canada', which is really pathetic considering the first line of 'Oh, Canada' is 'Oh, Canada'. - Jay leno.
• When they are closed quickly, the crossover point on a pair of scissors is moving faster than the speed of light.
• Until 1800, cookery was so dangerous that it was the second commonest cause of death among women after childbirth.
• The American musician John Cage [1912-92] is best known for his 1952 composition 4'33", which consists of nothing but total silence. Its three "movements" are "performed" without playing a single note.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• The 'sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick' is thought to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
• Charlie Chaplin once won only third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
• If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

• 'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand and 'lollipop' with your right.
• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog', uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words 'racecar', 'kayak' and 'level' are palindromes.  They read the same whether you read them left to right or right to left.
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and ' facetious.'
• There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
• Now you know everything.