Quotes About Women

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.
- Ed Abbey

In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men.
- Ed Abbey

Girls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough.
- Edward Abbey

Women who love only women may have a good point.
- Edward Abbey

Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try.
- Edward Abbey

The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward Abbey

Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
- Woody Allen

Woman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
- Ambrose Bierce

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas

Women! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them.
- Dan Fielding (from the "Night Court" television series)

The great question... Which I have not been able to answer...is, "What does a woman want?"
- Freud

Women are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do.
- Ellen Glasglow

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.
- Dr. Johnson

Being a woman is of special interest to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
- Fran Lebowitz

It's so hard for women, even nice women, to realize that their bodies are not irresistible.
- Philip Marlowe "The Big Sleep" (1939) a novel by Raymond Chandler

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.
- Groucho Marx

Men always want to please women, but these last 15 years, women have been hard to please. If you want to resist the feminist movement, the simple way to do it is to give them what they want and they'll defeat themselves. Today, you've got endless women in their 20s and 30s who don't know if they want to be a mother, have lunch, or be secretary of state.
- actor Jack Nicholson

There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L Convertible.
- P.J. O'Rourke

Did you know that woman speaks eighteen languages? ... And can't say 'no' in any of them.
- Dorothy Parker

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
- Emo Phillips

A woman is like a dresser; some man always goin' through her drawers. - Blind Lemon Pledge

Feminism: A socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
- Pat Robertson

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.
- Mort Sahl

Women's magazines always seem to me to be instructing aliens on how to act like women. It's as though the people reading know nothing: what to wear at a picnic, what to eat when you get to the picnic. It's for pods who want to impersonate humans. On the other hand, there's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
- comic Jerry Seinfeld, in Esquire

I think that maybe if women and children were in charge, we would get somewhere
- James Thurber

Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full.
- Earl Wilson

A lady is a woman who never shows her underwear unintentionally.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist hopes they are.

A man uses guns, knives, and explosives to get what he wants, but a woman has some very special weapons of her own.

Being a woman is quite difficult since it consists mainly of dealing with men.

By the time you know a woman like a book, you're too old to start a library.

Feminists are okay, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Never argue with a woman when she's tired...or when she's rested.

One of the ironies of life is that it's usually the warm girls, not the cold ones, who get the fur coats.

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

Women do not snore, fart, or belch; therefore, they must bitch or else they will blow up.

Women who think they are the equal of men, lack ambition.

 

Rules For Relationships

For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.

7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14. The female always gets the last word!

(*) These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law

 A Little Test

Take 3 minutes and try this - it will freak you out!! The person who sent this said her wish came true 10 minutes after they read the mail. But no cheating!

This game has a funny/creepy outcome. Don't read ahead, just do it in order. It takes about 3 minutes - it's worth a try. Firstget a pen and paper.

When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you
actually know,and go with your first instincts! Scroll down one line at a time - don't read ahead or you'll ruin the fun!

1. First, write the numbers 1 through to 11 in a column.

2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.

3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. Don't look ahead or it won't turn out right!

4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family) in the 4th, 5thand 6th spots.Don't cheat or you'll be upset that you did.

5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10 and 11.

6. Finally, make a wish.And here is the key for the game...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.

2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love

3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out

4. You care most about the person you put in 4.

5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.

6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.

7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.

8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.

9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about your mind.

10. And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.

Weird Humor

Here are some twisted jokes, try to find the meaning of them(answers are below)

1. Why can't an American photographer take a picture of an Asian with a hat?

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

3. What's the next letter in the series?: W T N _?

4. A boy and his father are driving home. They have to cross some train tracks. That day the stop lights for the tracks were broke and they didn't know a train was coming. A train hit them. They were rushed to the hospital where the father died.The son had to have immediate surgery. The surgeon took one look at the boy and said "I can't operate on him because he's my son!" how can that be?

5. Before you go into the bathroom you're American. When you'rein the bathroom, what are you?

Answers below:
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Answers:

1. You need a camera to take a picture, not a hat!

2. Most people have only one birth day.

3. It's WTNL (What's The Next LETTER)

4. The surgeon was his mother.

5. European (you're a peeing!) :)

MENSA IQ Test

Answers appear after the questions... NO CHEATING!!!

1. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and theuser doesn't see it. What is it?

2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?

3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a
battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion 8."Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?

6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their
religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?

7. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?

8. A woman from New York married ten different men from that city, yet she did not break any laws. None of these men died,and she never divorced. How was this possible?

9. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?

10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door"to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg. Why not?

13. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or"The yolk of the egg is white"?

14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a manwith a wooden leg. Why not?

15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show," One of them was the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?

16. After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27,1983, would a Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his widow's sister?

17. How many outs are there in an inning?

18. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the Ark?

19. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall. What does he
weigh?

20. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?

ANSWERS

1. A coffin.

2. The child was born before 1776.

3. Mount Everest (it just hadn't been discovered).

4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.

5. World War I wasn't called "World War I" until World War II.

6. The word "and".

7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year's Day
justarrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very
late in the same year.

8. The lady was a Justice of the Peace.

9. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.

11. "one word"

12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.

13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.

14. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a wooden leg.

15. They were husband and wife.
 
16. No. A dead man can marry no one.

17. Six . Three in each half of the inning.

18. Moses took no animals. It was Noah on the Ark.

19. Meat.

20. Nine.