Applicants Jokes

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

A business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following:

HELP WANTED

Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager. The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign also says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect spreadsheet that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went over to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at that manager calmly and said, "Meow."

A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor. As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."

Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."

The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"

When you hire people that are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.

R.H. Grant

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"

"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."

The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor. To check on the young man's response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"

HR Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."

"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

"Where did you receive your training?"
"Yale."
"Good, and what's your name?"
"Yim Yohnson."

Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by it

Entry level position:

You'll be making minimum wage.

Entry level position in an up-and-coming company:

You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year.

Profit sharing plan:

Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.

Competitive salary:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company:

We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

Nationally recognized leader:

Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.

Immediate opening:

The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

Casual work atmosphere:

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Competitive environment:

We have a lot of turnover.

Must be deadline oriented:

You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Flexible hours:

Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

Must have an eye for detail:

We have no quality control.

College degree preferred:

Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work.

Career minded:

Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person:

If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

No phone calls please:

We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

Problem solving skills a must:

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills:

You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Applicant Speak: what they say and what they mean by it

I know how to deal with stressful situations:

I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication & organizational skills:

I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization:

I've used Microsoft Office.

My pertinent work experience includes:

I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I take pride in my work:

I blame others for my mistakes.

I'm balanced and centered:

I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunchroom.

I have a sense of humor:

I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.

I'm willing to relocate:

As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is better.

I'm extremely professional:

I carry a Day-Timer.

My background and skills match your requirements:

You're probably looking for someone more experienced.

I am adaptable:

I've changed jobs a lot.

I am on the go:

I'm never at my desk.

I'm highly motivated to succeed:

The minute I find a better job, I'm out of here.

I have formal training:

I'm a college dropout.

I interact well with co-workers:

I've been accused of sexual harassment.

Thank you for your time and consideration:

Wait! Don't throw me away!

Are you qualified to this job?

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

New Job Interview Technique

Take the prospective employee and put him in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave him alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what he is doing.

If he has taken the table apart, put him in Engineering.
If he is counting the butts in the ashtray, assign him to Finance.
If he is waving his arms and talking out loud, send him to Consulting.
If he is talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for him.
If he is sleeping, he is Management material.
If he is writing up the experience, send him to the Technical Documentation team.
If he doesn't even look up when you enter the room, assign him to Security.
If he tries to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, put him into Marketing.
If he is wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Software is his niche.
If he mentions what a good price we got for the table and chairs, send him to Purchasing.
If he mentions that hardwood furniture does not come from rainforests, Public Relations will suit him well.

How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
Thirteen. One to change the bulb and a dozen others to make sure that everyone has an equal opportunity to apply for the job.

"Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized.
"But doc, this is my first operation."
"Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all."

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

Three men took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was, "Remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back."

But of course, they killed one each and returned to the plane with three moose.
The pilot said: "I have told you to bring one moose only".
"That's what you told us last year," the hunters replied, "but for an additional $100 you allowed us to bring three moose. Here, take $100 now."
The pilot agrees, and lets them bring all three dead moose onboard.

Just after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the men woke up, looked around and said: "Where the hell are we?"
"Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place where we crashed last year."

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee's application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage."

"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"

The classified ad said, "Wanted: a very experienced lumberjack". A man answered the ad and was asked to describe his experience.
"I've worked at the Sahara Forest."
"You mean the Sahara Desert" said the interviewer.
The man laughed and answered "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"

Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.

Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is knowledge acquired when it's too late.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Hunting an Elephant

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
Experienced mathematicians will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.

Computer programmers hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
1. Go to Africa.
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
4. During each traverse pass,
   a. Catch each animal seen.
   b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
   c. Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Economists don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
Experienced economists never saw an elephant, but they try to hunt one by controlling the interest rates.

Statisticians hunt the first gray animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
Experienced statisticians add that there is a small probability that the animal they hunted is a mouse.

Lawyers can let hunting a single elephant drag out for several years.
Experienced lawyers can make it last even longer.

Consultants don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
Experienced consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.

Politicians don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
Experienced politicians take the elephant for themselves and blame the press.

Managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
Experienced managers keep in the project file the advise that claims that elephants are just like field mice.

Sales people don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens.
Experienced sales people ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.

Computer sales people catch gray animals at random, and sell any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
Experienced computer sales people catch gray rabbits, and sell them as desktop elephants.

Consultant Jokes

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Don't try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, "You're wasting too much time. Why don't you try carrying several things at once?"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in ten."

The chickens in a large hen house started to quarrel, wounded each other and many of them died every day. The upset farmer hurried to a consultant, and asked for a solution to his problem.
"Add baking-powder to the chickens' food," said the consultant, "it will calm them down."

After a week the farmer came back to the consultant and said: "My chickens continue to die. What shall I do?"
"Add strawberry juice to their drinking water, that will help for sure".

A week passed, and again the farmer came to the consultant: "My chickens are still quarrelling. Do you have some more advice?"
"I can give you more and more advice," answered the consultant. "The real question is whether you have more chickens."

The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one armed consultant, with a social sciences degree and five years of experience."

The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why 'one armed'?"

The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase 'on the other hand'."

A priest, a rabbi and a consultant were traveling on an airplane. There was a crisis and it was clear that the plane was going to crash and they would all be killed. The priest began to pray and finger his rosary beads, the rabbi began to read the Torah and the consultant began to organize a committee on air traffic safety.

A man had a siamese cat that howled all night, every night. The sleepless man concluded that the cat has too much testosterone and took him to the vet to be castrated. To the great surprise of the man and all his neighbors, the cat continued howling.
"Why are you doing it now?" they asked the cat.
"Now I am a consultant."

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear from your Consultant

1. You're right; we're billing way too much for this.

2. Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added".

3. How about paying us based on the success of the project?

4. This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.

5. Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.

6. I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that.

7. Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.

8. I can't take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.

9. The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.

10. Everything looks okay to me. You really don't need me.

Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning problems into gold, your problems into their gold.

Norman R. Augustine, president and chief operating officer of Martin Marietta

There was a glass of water on the table...
One man says, "It's half full". He is an optimist.
Second man says, "It's half empty". He is a pessimist.
Third man says, "It's twice too big". He is a management consultant.

A consultant is ...

someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women.
someone who is called in at the last moment and paid enormous amounts of money to assign the blame.

Consulting Revisited

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.

It takes two things to be a consultant - grey hair and hemorrhoids. The grey hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.

Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning problems into gold, your problems into their gold.

You Might Be a Consultant if...

you ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
you decide to reorganize your family into a "team-based organization."
you think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with six other people you don't know.
you believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
you explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
you can explain the difference between "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's arses," and you actually believe your explanation.

you can spell "paradigm" and you actually know what a paradigm is.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog."

Waiters Jokes

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"

Leo Rosten, "The Joys of Yiddish"

Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

Three couples are dining together.
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
The English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
The [you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb cow".

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"

Raymod Smullyan, "What Is the Name of This Book?"

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"

Jay Leno

A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out, "Water...".

A bedouin appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?" With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear.

"You fool," gasped the man. "I'm dying! I need water!"
"Well, sir," replied the bedouin, "If you really need water, there is a tent about two kilometers south of here where you can get some."

Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and collapsed.

Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door and enquired, "May I help you sir?"
"Water..." was the feeble reply.
"Oh, sir," replied the bedouin, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie!"

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Couldn't be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
I know, but unfortunately we are out of turtle.

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Surely not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about.

Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup!
Then we've served you too much soup, the fly should be wading.

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
It's fly soup sir!

Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.

Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.
I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?

Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!
Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.

Waiter, what is this stuff?
That's bean salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?

Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup.
Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?

Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.

And how did you find your steak sir?
Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was...

Attributed to Graucho Marx

Waiter: These are the best eggs we've had for years.
Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had around for that long.

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

I asked a waiter whether service was included.
He actually replied, "Service is not included, sir - but if you ask nicely, we might consider it."

Funny side of the world

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Saturday, February 2, 2013

Applicants Jokes

Consultant Jokes

Waiters Jokes

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