IN THIS TIMES ECONOMY JOKES ARE POPULAR
Economics is the
only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the
opposite thing.
Heard at the Wharton School.
Man walking along a road in the
countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd,
"I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the
exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock
so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished,
because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an
animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
A mathematician,
an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the
mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The
mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four,
exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and
says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
TOP 10 REASONS
TO STUDY ECONOMICS
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
ECONOMISTS do it
at bliss point
ECONOMISTS do it cyclically
ECONOMISTS do it in an Edgeworth Box
ECONOMISTS do it on demand
ECONOMISTS do it risk-free (in reference to the risk-free interest rate)
ECONOMISTS do it with a dual
ECONOMISTS do it with an atomistic competitor
ECONOMISTS do it with crystal balls
ECONOMISTS do it with interest
ECONOMISTS do it cyclically
ECONOMISTS do it in an Edgeworth Box
ECONOMISTS do it on demand
ECONOMISTS do it risk-free (in reference to the risk-free interest rate)
ECONOMISTS do it with a dual
ECONOMISTS do it with an atomistic competitor
ECONOMISTS do it with crystal balls
ECONOMISTS do it with interest
"Economists
do it with models"
Heard at the LSE.
Heard at the LSE.
Econometricians
do it if they can identify it.
Applied econometricians do it even if they can't.
Applied econometricians do it even if they can't.
Economists do it
with Slutsky matrices.
Economists do it
discretely AND continuously.
"Econometricians
do it with dummies"?
Morry Adelman at
MIT claims that he heard this at Shell long ago:
"A planner is a gentle man,
with neither sword nor pistol.
He walks along most daintily,
because his balls are crystal."
"A planner is a gentle man,
with neither sword nor pistol.
He walks along most daintily,
because his balls are crystal."
An economist is
a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician
is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the
economy.
Talk is cheap.
Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second
Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur
economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of
Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist
is a professional economist."
A true story:
"I heard this from one of my professors. To protect him, no names will be revealed. This professor was about to get married. He went to the jewelers to get a wedding ring for his fiancee. The jeweler told him that he can have the inside of the ring engraved with the name of his fiancee for an additional $20 (remember, this was a LONG time ago). He said, "But that will reduce the resale value!" The jeweler was aghast. He said, "How can you say such a thing. You are a butcher!" "No," replied the professor, "I am an economist"."
An economic
forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the door
frame of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied that it was a good luck
charm that helped his forecasts. But do you believe in that superstition? he
was asked, and he said, "Of course not!" But then why do you keep it?
"Well," he said, "it works whether you believe in it or
not."
The story is actually told
about a non-economist, Danish Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr.
Economics has
gotten so rigorous we've all got rigor mortis.
Presumably said by Kenneth Boulding
A possible correction by
Mike: Kenneth Boulding said, "Mathematics brought rigor to Economics. Unfortunately,
it also brought mortis." Presumably said by Kenneth Boulding
Economist
related joke: Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a
lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an
economist.
There is one
joke opportunity in Robert Kuttner, The Poverty of Economics, The Atlantic
Monthly, Feb 1985, p. 79, which says: "George Stigler Nobel laureate and a
leader of Chicago School was asked why there were no Nobel Prizes awarded in
the other social sciences, sociology, psychology, history, etc. "Don't
worry", Stigler said, "they have already have a Nobel Prize in
...Literature"
An economist was
standing at the shore of a large lake, surf-casting. It was the middle of
winter, and the lake was completely frozen over, but this didn't seem to bother
the economist, who stood there patiently casting his lure out across the ice,
slowly reeling it in again, then repeating the process.
A mathematical economist
came sailing by on an ice boat, and pulled to the shore beside the surf-fishing
economist to scoff. "You'll never catch any fish that way," said the
mathematical economist. "Jump on my ice-boat and we'll go
trawling."
Three
econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first
econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second
econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third
econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We
got it!"
A mathematician,
a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked to find a black cat (who
doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the lights off:
- The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
- The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.
- The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck."
- The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
- The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme accuracy.
- The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room that he has it catched by the neck."
True story. I'm
riding up the elevator at the Boston ASSA meetings a few years back. In the
car with me is a woman who works in the hotel. I ask her if economists are
really as dull a bunch as they're made out to be. She responds that she used to
be stationed at the NYC branch of the chain when the meetings were held there
and that even the hookers had taken the week off.
Practice economy
at any cost.
from "The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams, Chapter 16.
Arthur awoke to the sound of
argument and went to the bridge. Ford was waving his arms about. "You're
crazy Zaphod," he was saying, "Magrathea is a myth a fairy story,
it's what parents tell their kids about at night if they want them to grow up
to be economists, it's..."
from the preface
to Paul Krugman's book, "Peddling Prosperity: Economic Sense and Nonsense
in the Age of Diminished Expectations" (1994, page xi): An Indian-born
economist once explained his personal theory of reincarnation to his graduate
economics class. "If you are a good economist, a virtuous economist,"
he said, "you are reborn as a physicist. But if you are an evil, wicked economist,
you are reborn as a sociologist."
When two
economists are out for a stroll together, how do you identify the UofC
economist? He's the one walking randomly.
Heard at the
workshop of evolutionary economists at IIASA:
Q: How has French revolution
affected world economic growth? A: Too early to say.
True story: I
was standing with Ken Arrow by a bank of elevators on the ground floor of
William James Hall at Harvard. Three elevators passed us on our way to the
basement. I foolishly said "I wonder why everybody in the basement wants
to go upstairs." He responded, almost instantly: "You're confusing
supply with demand."
Curt Monash
Curt Monash
Economist poem
If you do some acrobatics with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea's not defensible
don't make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.
Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.
Q. What do
economists and computers have in common ??
A. You need to punch information into both of them.
A. You need to punch information into both of them.
Why does
Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea ??
A. If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
A. If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
Two economists
were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the
street at each other from their apartment windows.
Of course they will never come to
agreement, stated the first economist. And why is that, inquired his companion,
Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.
Here's couple of
more general jokes.
A civil engineer, a chemist and
an economist are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country
inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the
barn," the innkeeper says. The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the
barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed. In a short time they're awakened
by a knock. It's the engineer, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm
a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The chemist says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn. The others go back to bed,
but soon are awakened by another knock. It's the chemist who says,
"There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an
unclean animal." So the economist is sent to the barn. It's getting late,
the others are very tired and soon fall asleep. But they're awakened by an even
louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's
the cow and the pig! Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the mathematicians bought 3 tickets but economists only bought one. The mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price.
The next day, the mathematicians decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all! When the mathematicians saw the conductor, they hid in the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back.
Why? The economists took it and went to the other toilet.
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.
Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'
'Yes', answered the others eagerly.
'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
Did you hear of
the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
He forgot to seasonally adjust
his pool.
If all the
economists were laid end to end they would be an orgy, of mathematics.
A wealthy labor
economist had an urge to have grandchildren. He had two daughters and two sons
and none of them had gratified his desire for a grandchild. At the annual
family gathering on Thanksgiving Day, he chided them gently to bless his old
age with their progeny. "But I haven't given up hope," he said,
"Yesterday I went to the bank and set up a one hundred thousand dollar
trust fund to be given to the first grandchild that I have. Now we will all bow
our heads while I say a prayer of thanks." When he looked up, he and his
wife were the only ones at the table.
NATURAL RATE OF
UNEMPLOYMENT
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Q Why did the
market economist cross the road?
A To reach the consensus forecast.
A To reach the consensus forecast.
Q: What does an
economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
A: Deflator mouse
these were
created by Pat Marren 2/14/96
Subject: TOP TEN ECONOMIST
VALENTINES 10. YOU RAISE MY INTEREST RATE THIRTY BASIS POINTS WITHOUT A CORRESPONDING DROPOFF IN CONSUMER ENTHUSIASM
9. DESPITE A DECADE OF INFLATION, I STILL DIG YOUR SUPPLY CURVE
8. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE REMEASURE OUR CROSS-ELASTICITY
7. YOU BRING THE BUTTER, I'LL BRING THE GUN
6. LET'S RAISE HOUSING STARTS TOGETHER
5. FURTHER STIMULUS COULD RESULT IN UNCONTROLLED EXPANSION
4. TELL ME WHETHER MY EXPECTATIONS ARE RATIONAL
3. LET'S ASSUME A RITZY HOTEL ROOM AND A BOTTLE OF DOM
2. YOU STOKE THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF MY MARKET
1. A LOAF OF BREAD, A JUG OF WINE, AND THOU BESIDE ME WATCHING RUKEYSER
When Albert
Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly
Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190.
"Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the
contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of
general relativity". The second answered 150. "Good," said
Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest
for world peace". The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and
then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next
year?" (Adapted from Economist June 13th 1992,
p. 71).
Two men are
flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly and they come away from their
course and they have no idea where they are. So they go down to 20 m above ground and ask a passing
wanderer. "Could you tell us where we are?"
"You are in a balloon."
So the one pilot to the other:
"The answer is perfectly right and absolutely useless. The man must be an economist"
"Then you must be businessmen", answers the man.
"That's right! How did you know?"
"You have such a good view from where you are and yet you don't know where you are!"
Light bulb jokes
are always in...
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a
light bulb? A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
Q: How many
mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to assume the
existence of ladder and one to change the bulb. A2: Two. One to assume the existence of latter and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many
neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
A: It depends on the wage rate.
Q: How many
conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. The darkness will cause
the light bulb to change by itself. A2: None. If it really needed changing, market forces would have caused it to happen.
A3: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
A4. None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place.
A5. None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!
A5. None; they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
The above light bulb jokes were mostly stolen from an article in _The_Wharton_Journal_, Feb. 21, 1994, by Selena Maranjian, who undoubtedly pilfered the humor from someone else. Selena also suggested (for you B-school types):
Q: How many Wharton MBAs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, if you hire me. I can actually change the light bulb by myself. As you can see from my resume, I've had extensive experience changing light bulbs in my previous positions. I've also been named to the Wharton Light Bulb list, and am presently a teaching assistant for Light Bulb Management 666. My only weakness is that I'm compulsive about changing light bulbs in my spare time.
Q: How many
B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.
Q: How many
investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
The Economist A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
Q:How many
Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A:All. Because then you will
generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the AD (agg. demand) to the
right,...
Q: How many
Trotskyists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Smash it!
A: None. Smash it!
Q; How many
central bank economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one -- he holds the lightbulb and the whole earth revolves around him.
A: Just one -- he holds the lightbulb and the whole earth revolves around him.
Economists do it with models
Q: How many
marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
It's not easy
being an economist. How would you like to go through life pretending you knew
what M1 was all about?
An elderly economics
professor is standing at the shallow end of the campus pool. A Coed is standing
at the deep end taking pictures. She suddenly drops the camera into the pool.
Then she motions for the professor to come to her. He goes and she asks him to
retrieve the camera. He agrees and dives in and retrieve its.
Upon returning he says to her,
"Why did you ask me to retrieve the camera when there were many younger
and more athletic males closer to her?" She replied, "Professor you
seem to forget that I'm in your Econ I class, and I don't know anyone who can
go down deeper, stay down longer and come up drier than you."
When drawing up
the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the
conversation.
Economics is the
painful elaboration of the obvious.
Q: How many
economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven, plus/minus ten.
A: Seven, plus/minus ten.
Q:How many
economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
True story: The
scene is a conference of professors of marketing. The keynote speaker is an
eminent economist. The chairman, who sees himself as a bit of a wag, says,
"I would like to introduce
my eminent colleague and friend. He's an economist, one of those people who
turn random numbers into mathematical laws." The economist, not to be outdone, replies,
"My friend, here, is a marketer. They reverse the process."
A Swedish
contribution:
"Economics is like red whine
- you shouldn't smell it but drink it, but if you drink too much on one
occasion, there is a risk for dizziness" ("Nationalekonomi ar som rodvin - man ska inte lukta pa det utan dricka det, men dricker man for mycket pa en gang finns det risk for yrsel"
One day a man
walked into the main library of a major research university. He stopped at the
reference desk and asked the librarian if she had any current books about
economics and the economy.
She answered that she did, and
led the man to the reference shelves where the economics and economy books
were. To the surprise of both the librarian and the man all of the books were off the shelf being used.
``That's OK,'' the man said. ``I'll just go to another library. You see, I'm a very busy man, and I set this weekend aside for studying economics and the economy.''
The librarian said she understood and gave the man directions to the nearest research library. But her interest piqued, she asked: ``Why are you so urgent to study economics and the economy?''
The man replied: "I'm an economist. I've been teaching at this university for the past ten years. I'm attending a business meeting on Monday, and I figure the economy has changed in the past ten years."
Economists do it
with cross partials...
Q. What's the
difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A. The economist is the one with
the calculator.
One day a woman
went for a walk in her neighborhood and came across a boy with some puppies.
"Would you like a puppy? They aren't ready for new homes quite yet, but
they will be in a few weeks!"
"Oh, they're adorable,"
the lady said. "What kind of dogs are they?" "These are economists."
"OK. I'll tell my husband."
So she went home and told her husband. He was very interested to see the puppies. About a week later he came across the lad; the puppies were very active.
"Hey, Mister. Want a puppy?"
"I think my wife spoke with you last week. What kind of dogs are these?"
"Oh. These are decision analysts."
"I thought you said last week that they were economists."
"Yeah, but they've opened their eyes since then."
An economist is
someone who doesn't know what he's talking about - and make you feel it's your
fault.
The definition
of "waste": a busload of economists plunging over a precipice with
three of the seats unoccupied.
True stories
I was riding my bike down a hill
in my city one night and two policemen stopped me at their speed trap. They
asked me how fast I was going - 63 km - and congratulated me on the accuracy
of my speedo. They then asked me why I was not driving a car and as I was a
woman, wasn't it dangerous to be be out at night on a bike. I said I did not
drive a car. They then asked me my occupation - I said "an
economist". One of the policemen said "That's why she's riding a bike
- she's economising" I know that economics is ruling my life when
- I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner
- I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles
